dear al gore,
i was not entirely sure who to write this letter to, but since it is about the internet, i figured you were the one to hear my story.
so back when i was a young child, and by young, i think i was somewhere around 9? 10? maybe 11? i really don't remember, but it was somewhere in that age range. it was at this time that the internet was still fairly new. there were many not familiar, myself included, with all that the internet held or what it would someday become.
anyways,i wanted some nike tennis shoes, and my mother, always the thifty, frugal and parsimonious one, told me that they were too expensive and that i would just have to settle for a cheaper version. well, determined to prove that the particular shoes i wanted weren't too much, i decided to look up the price online.
now, in our town, we had a certain store, called dick's sporting goods. i was sure they would have the shoes i wanted, i went into our dining room (where our computer was, you know, out in public so no one could get into any funny business) so i got on the computer, opened up a internet window, waited for that awful, piercing sound of the dial-up modem (thank all that is good and holy that we now have high speed!) and i was online.
i typed dicks.com into the search engine, and to my surprise, the screen filled with a very naked man with a very large....."fella". staring right at me. at the very second i realized what i was looking at, i heard a terrible gasp and the shrieking of my name "valentine!!!" yep, it was my mother. looking every bit the angry hen with fire in her eyes. she very, and i mean very quickly, i have never seen this woman move so fast, walked over to the computer and closed the filthy browser window.
wordlessly she glared at me, and i knew she wanted some sort of explanation why her sweet 10 (?) year old daughter was looking at men's fellas on the internet. very unsure of what had happened simply said, "i was trying to find those shoes.......at dicks sporting goods. i searched dicks.com......... and somehow this came up."
if my mom wasn't so hopping mad, i think she would have laughed. at this point, i think it just began to dawn on me where i may have gone wrong in my search. but in my innocent(not anymore) and naive 11(?) year old mind, at no point when i was typing in dicks.com did i comprehend where my search would lead me. my mother quietly lead me away from the computer and said that that was enough computer time today.
my brothers, of course, teased me mercilessly for being a disgusting pervert (aren't brothers great?) and it became quite the joke in my family. even to this day. what the fetch? why can't families ever look past a child's inappropriate viewing a man's fella? srsly!
this is srsly classic valentine,
p.s. sound off- have you had an embarrassing internet situation?