Monday, June 8, 2009

internet escapades

dear al gore,

i was not entirely sure who to write this letter to, but since it is about the internet, i figured you were the one to hear my story.

so back when i was a young child, and by young, i think i was somewhere around 9? 10? maybe 11? i really don't remember, but it was somewhere in that age range. it was at this time that the internet was still fairly new. there were many not familiar, myself included, with all that the internet held or what it would someday become.

anyways,i wanted some nike tennis shoes, and my mother, always the thifty, frugal and parsimonious one, told me that they were too expensive and that i would just have to settle for a cheaper version. well, determined to prove that the particular shoes i wanted weren't too much, i decided to look up the price online.

now, in our town, we had a certain store, called dick's sporting goods. i was sure they would have the shoes i wanted, i went into our dining room (where our computer was, you know, out in public so no one could get into any funny business) so i got on the computer, opened up a internet window, waited for that awful, piercing sound of the dial-up modem (thank all that is good and holy that we now have high speed!) and i was online.

i typed into the search engine, and to my surprise, the screen filled with a very naked man with a very large....."fella". staring right at me. at the very second i realized what i was looking at, i heard a terrible gasp and the shrieking of my name "valentine!!!" yep, it was my mother. looking every bit the angry hen with fire in her eyes. she very, and i mean very quickly, i have never seen this woman move so fast, walked over to the computer and closed the filthy browser window.

wordlessly she glared at me, and i knew she wanted some sort of explanation why her sweet 10 (?) year old daughter was looking at men's fellas on the internet. very unsure of what had happened simply said, "i was trying to find those dicks sporting goods. i searched and somehow this came up."

if my mom wasn't so hopping mad, i think she would have laughed. at this point, i think it just began to dawn on me where i may have gone wrong in my search. but in my innocent(not anymore) and naive 11(?) year old mind, at no point when i was typing in did i comprehend where my search would lead me. my mother quietly lead me away from the computer and said that that was enough computer time today.

my brothers, of course, teased me mercilessly for being a disgusting pervert (aren't brothers great?) and it became quite the joke in my family. even to this day. what the fetch? why can't families ever look past a child's inappropriate viewing a man's fella? srsly!

this is srsly classic valentine,

p.s. sound off- have you had an embarrassing internet situation?


Hit 40 said...

We have a Dick's in town. My boys giggle every time we drive by the store.

...then they have to add very crude jokes!!!

beth said...

srsly...why would they name it that?!?! i hate that store for that reason. ya gotta figure dick heard all the jokes growing up. why would he slap his crappy name on a store?!?!

Mighty M said...

One of our favorite burger joints in Seattle is Dick's Drive In. My husband will tell there is nothing better than a Dick's Deluxe!! ;-)

Miss Eve said...

LOL, this is one of the best (and sweetest) story I read lately. You really made me laugh and I'm very greatful for that :-) Much love: Evi

Vivienne said...

I was doing an internship with a state House of Representatives and typed in Law Crawler (a search engine that helps with legal/legislative issues and research) and had porn pop up on monitored, government issued computers. A little bell began going off because of it. I was MORTIFIED!

valentine said...

Hit 40- that is so funny, well, i am not a young boy and i still giggle at it's name LOL

beth- i have NO idea why anyone in their right mind would name a store that!

teri- yum....dick's deluxe LOL. once again, why name something that? are we all supposed to be mature and not laugh? um yeah. not gonna happen

Evi- thank you, i am glad you liked my story and that it made you laugh!

vivienne- oh. my. goodness. that is embarrassing, i can't believe a bell went off to alert everyone that there is a pervert nearby! LOL
that is extreme to keep people from checking out naughy stuff.

Kristin said...

There is a doctor around town who's named Richard Stiff. Guess what his specialty is?

--Heather-- said...

Thanks for the stop by... love your story. I had a Harlod Dickey, he was a high school teacher... yup good ol' Mr. Dickey

Orange Juice said...

That's funny...I've totally done that with other things.

Mommyof2girlz said...

ROFL, what a great post! Thanks for stopping by SITSta :)