sharing time

dear LFV readers,


so i tend to not share much about myself, i guess i figure i am not that interesting, but i have started to realize that my favorite blogs are always the ones where they share and you feel like you actually know them.

so yeah, i am basically saying that i want you to like me

so, i'll share.


hi. i'm valentine.

i am 27

i was born in texas

i only lived there for 4 years before we moved

so, no, i am NOT a texas girl


from a large family

i am #7 out of 8

demosthenes is of course #8

i have 3 brothers and 4 sisters



i did pretty good in high school, got a couple of nursing scholarships

turned out i hated nursing.

lost the scholarship



dropped out of school

who needs it right?

turns out i do!


got a job as a front desk receptionist

turns out i don't like people


notice there is a job that does not involve talking to people

i take it.

i am good at it.

so good that this past february i sat for my certification exam

i passed.

i am now a certified medical coder

working towards becoming a medical auditor.



i am married.

have been for 7 years



i have lived in

Texas

Kentucky

Idaho

Alaska

Illinois

and now

Utah.



i love britney.


like probably more than i should.

i blame it on me being a freshman in high school when she came out

it was a very influential time in my life

i can't be held responsible.



i LOVE mexican food.

and ice.

i LOVE ice.

love british tv

dexter

and pysch




I also love musicals

war movies

and anything jane austen

or jane austen-esque


i love celebrity gossip

and totally RULE

at remembering obscure actors

in obscure shows.

for some reason,

the husband is less than impressed.


i don't like wearing flip flops.

they feel unnatural

my toes don't like being seperated, they are a set.


something interesting about me:

i am tongue tied.

i have tried to have it fixed

twice

but no luck.


so that is valentine. more or less.



it was more than you probably wanted to know



p.s. if you made it down this far, then you are truly awesome and deserve the prize that is hidden behind door #1.

we have been talking about this giveaway forever

just hemming and hawing over it.

but we are finally doing it.

we are giving away a $40 giftcard to


i know in the past we had less than traditional rules for winning a giveaway

but it is late, and i can't think of anything awesome for you guys to do to win

so, we'll go with traditional.

1 entry for just commenting that you want to be entered

1 entry if you blog about the giveaway

1 entry if you tweet about it

1 entry if you become our friend on facebook
(who says you can't buy friendship??)

1 entry if you tell a friend about letters from valentine

and of course, put each one in as a seperate comment.

this will be open until july 3

and i'll announce the winner

on monday, july 5

just because you can......

dear 66 year old woman who just gave birth to triplets,

so apparently on may 29 you gave birth to triplets, and became, possibly, the oldest woman ever

to do so.

i realize this is a miracle, a scientific breakthrough

but i think this is a case of just because science can

doesn't mean that you should.

concerned for your children who won't have a mother for long,




p.s. that pic isn't of the actual mother, its just a funny pic i found.

toddlers and tiaras: rise of the oversexed toddler

dear LFV readers,

in honor of Toddlers and Tiaras having their season 3 premiere yesterday, i thought i'd repost a letter that demosthenes wrote last august.

it is such an awesome letter, that it is actually our highest viewed post.

ever.

its that good.

so you should definitely read it. again.

dear valentine,


i only managed to sit through about 15 minutes of this show, so i guess there's the slight possibility that i'm not being a fair critic. but i just about threw up. these crazy a** mom's are having their tiny babies prance around like whores on a street corner.


how nice of these mom's to put their 2-3 year old daughters in sexy clothes and display them so that all those chester child molesters can have a good time. it saves them the trouble of trying to hide their child porn from their wives.

as if young girls in america didn't have enough problems with self esteem and body image to begin with. these moms had the bright idea of indoctrinating their daughters from infancy that to be beautiful requires make up, perfectly styled hair, a tan, and provocative clothes. because no woman could possibly be considered beautiful if she *gasp* just looked the way God made her.


well done mom's, well done. now all you have to do is make sure your girls develop an eating disorder by 15, and get hooked on coke to stay thin by 18, and you'll have achieved a well and truly f*cked up daughter. congratulations.






the pageant mom's freely talk about the process for getting their kids ready for a show. lets see, fake eyelashes... check. fake spray tans.... check. big fake hair extensions.... check. fake teeth because your toddlers real baby teeth are falling out.... check. now some 80's looking hooker make up and we're all set!


srsly? what's the point of having a contest if everything on their bodies is fake? what are you judging, which brand of spray tanner coats the most evenly? its like having a contest to see which pie is best, but all the pies are made of plastic.


a 7 year old on the show actually said this: "i want to be a cheerleader, cause i like to show my belly and thats what they do". what a wonderful moral for her to be learning. a little whore in the making. i think i just shed a tear.


i think we all need something to wash down that sh*t soda, so heres a super awesome photo to take our minds off the destruction of a generation (yes, thats the cutest f*cking marmoset you've ever seen)

this is news?

dear ricky martin,

we already knew you were gay. this isn't a big deal.

rickymartincomesout

(^^^^this is a hyperlink^^^^)

(THUNDERCATS!!!!!)

strange baby names

dear future parents,

i know that naming your child can be a long and frustrating time (k, i don't really know cuz, i don't have kids, but whatevs)



everyone giving their opinions, suggesting names, telling you that there is no pressure, but if you wanted, you could name your baby, after them.

but as someone who works in a field, that sees a lot of new baby names, i am here to help guide you with a list of names i suggest you NOT use:



Kindyl

k, so you lurve your new electronic reading device, great, but don't name your kid after it.



Trashod

so, i think the parent thinks that this spells "trey-shod" they would be wrong. but either way, whenever your kid has the world trash in their name, you are headed the wrong way on the baby naming road.


Khyron

this is sooo a robot name. and i have no doubt that this guy is gonna grow up to be the
Khyron 3000, domestic robot, and make his master proud.


Mysteri

guess what? mystery is already not an unusual name, you don't have to go and make it even more unusual by changing the 'y' to an 'i'


Porsche Mary

so, they gave her a white trashy first name, but to help her to be respectable, they gave her the most boring middle name ever! i am so naming my kid cougar fred.


La-A

what. the. fetch. kind of name is that? oh its supposed to be pronounced "La dash A"? in what world is this a name? i'm sure she won't spend her entire life correcting people and cursing her parents for giving her such a stupid moniker


Valaria

how is this not the generic drug name of valtrex?

"ah man, my peeps is totally burning, i need to take some valaria right away!"


Strawsee

i got nothin'.




again, this is just my opinion, you may totally love one or all of these names and are putting them down on your list. but just be fair warned, if you pick one of these names, i will make fun of you.







p.s. what strange names have you seen?

master of karate and friendship

dear blogosphere,

ever since letters from valentine was a baby blog


(yes, we are coming up on a year, not so baby anymore are we!)


i have been intrigued and fascinated by the awards that get spread around the blogosphere.


and ever since i found out that anyone can make one


(that you didn't have to put in your award petition by filling out 7 request forms, in triplicate, sending in $20 for processing fees and submit them to some sort of blog award sub committee that will make their decision and notify you in 2-10 weeks)


i decided to make one of my own.



k, so that was months ago.



but i guess better late than never.



letters from valentine is proud to present the:







totally fetch right?

it is of course from the brilliance that is


it's always sunny in philadelphia


if you don't like that show, leave now. srsly, cuz i don't know if we can still be friends.


anyways, this award is all about recognizing friendships that have been made while blogging.


so, the rules to this absolutely awesome award is:



list 6 things that you are a master in


and pass it onto 6 bloggers that you think are masters at friendship and make blogging so awesome.






1. i am a master in sleeping.

srsly, i could sleep for 12 hours, get up, eat breakfast and go back to sleep.


2. i am a master in quoting lines from movies or tv.

i don't think i say an original thing all day long, i just quote stuff.


3. i am a master of procrastinating

despite wanting to do something right away, i am physically unable to


4. i am a master at multi tasking

since i procrastinate, i usually have to do a couple things at a time. i have gotten good at it. very good.


5. i am a master at googling.

it's all about the keywords.


6 i am a master at shopping sales.

i love a great deal. and i really love 50% off clearance. i feel a mighty hunter. and the sweet deals are my kill.


and i am passing this award onto:


supah mommy


cottage cheese thighs


hotpants


amy at happily ever after


living in france


whitney at the king and i




you know, if hollywood had an award as awesome as this one, i might be more interested in watching boring award shows.

lady tremaine

dear LFV readers

so you all know my awesome sister demosthenes, so now i wanted to introduce you to my very sweet and hilarious, older sister, she insists we call her lady tremaine (yeah, the mean step mama from cinderella.) don't ask

yes, she is hilarious, though often times unintentionally. she sees the world a different way than me, and i enjoy her insight

i think she is the only adult in the world that takes pinky swears srsly. she treats them as though they are the unbreakable vow. she called me concerned that she had pinky swore with someone and she fully intended to break the promise. she was concerned about what to do



i will never forget a hilarious convo we had about twilight:



lt: so don't people notice that carlisle doesn't age

v: yes, that is why they move around alot

lt: how can he do that? what about social security? don't they ever notice

v: i don't know, maybe he changes his name sometimes. they also have a guy that forges documents for them.

lt: doesn't he notice that they don't age

v: i don't think he cares, they pay him good money

lt: doesn't he care that he is forging papers for vampires

v: he's a FORGER......i don't think he asks questions. ever

lt: how did carlisle make his money

v: i don't know. *sighing* maybe he put some money in the bank 300 years ago and now he lives off the interest.



i love that her main concerns are that carlisle pay his taxes and that an illegal document forger doesn't aid vampires



despite her sometime confusion, she is incredibly creative and talented. she is sweet and caring. she has tender heart and has been supportive of this blog since the beginning. she is super fetch



totally love her,

demos and val on the town

dear new moon,


we went, we saw and we loved.



but here are the events that led up to that moment:



we had to get ready. and of course we did it as we blared the new moon soundtrack. (have you heard it yet? it is totally amazing. emo edward gave it 4 sad faces cuz it's totally depressing.)






gots to look good right? what if edward showed up?




here is my after pic, with ZERO curl in my hair. oh well, it had more body. you got that, it wasn't a total waste of time!



and of course we had to have "sitting around 3 hours early" snacks. which we did. a huge mountain of sour patch kids, twizzlers, swedish fish and reeses pieces. all the classics.

and what better way to wash down all that sugar, than with blood!






i srsly, saw these labels online like 6 months ago, bookmarked them and totally forgot til weds night. that is srsly how i roll.

but, i did remember and in time. even got some awesomely red vitamin water to give it the perfect effect.




we srsly had 3 hours to kill til the movie started, so demos and i decided to do a quick photo op:


yep, i was so excited and spastic that i took a pic of the floor. isn't it pretty?





here is demos, kickin' back some of the ole red.

here i am, doing my best "brooding vampire" face. i think edward would be proud of how serious i was.

and of course, here we are together. make sure to read our boobs shirts. demosthenes went through, well not a lot of trouble, but certainly some trouble to make them. so read them d*mnit!



please disregard my strange face, there was this chick practically freaking out that the theater said "men who stare at goats" and not new moon. after this pic, we reassured her it was right and to shut the hale up!


we went back in and played a few lively games of uno. but had to stop, cuz i was positive the dude behind me was throwing signals to demos to tell her what cards i had. can't trust nobody.


at this point, we still had like 2 fetching hours left. what to do? um, hi, MADLIBS!


but, i don't know where one buys madlibs, so we (and when i say we, i totally mean demos) made up our own.

so, for your entertainment, our new moon themed madlibs. please note that it was about 11:00pm at this point, both had gotten up early, didn't nap and were on a sugar and blood rush. so they may not seem so funny now, but i promise we were rollin at the time.......


One day two shoes went to Forks, WA to watch new moon. rpattz hopped next to them and offered to burp them. kstew saw the two chairs with him and jumped his rickety car.

One day alice called bella to say Peter Pan was in Forks and if she wanted to go to the signing. Bella blurrily said hale yeah! but what about Edward, didn't he want to go to Rivendale? Alice reminded bella that edward was a dirty vamp, so they linked arms and shinely left.

so to sum up the night:

5 hours sitting in a movie theater seat, $10

enough candy to make us vomit, $25

new moon flavored t-shirts, $30

watching rpattz naked chest sparkle in the sun? ORGASMIC. oh wait, i mean "priceless". ya thats the word, i'm looking for.

srsly, seeing him half naked at the end was totes m goats the best thing that happened to me in all of last week. (don't tell my husband

thanks for an awesomely fetch time,

&

happy b-day demosthenes!

dear demosthenes,

Happy, Happy, Happy, Birthday Kiki!!!

on this, your 25th birthday(holy crap, are you srsly 25 now??)

i just wanted to write a letter to you. to let you know why i love you being my sister and my blogner in crime.

why i love you:

you wish EE was real.

you go along with our "role play" even if it makes no sense

you find me funny, even if i'm not.

you have insane knowledge of twilight, harry potter and star wars trivia.

you keep me company at work.

you make me laugh. alot.

you are super creative.

you are hilarious.

you have a fun fashion sense.

you always find the craziest stuff that the interwebs have to offer.

you like the same lame shows as me, i.e. the legend of the seeker.

you are fearless.

YOU. ARE. FETCH.

thanks for being my friend for 25 years,

p.s. that totally fetch cake, is actually a creation of demosthenes. that's right, she totally made it. isn't she super talented???

universal truth

dear valentine,

it is a truth, universally acknowledged that there are two kinds of women in the world: bag hags and shoe whores.

I have always identified myself as a bag hag, thinking my love for new purses vs shoes was enough. but just today i realized that i own 19 pairs of shoes and only 8 purses.

jay says bag hags are more "fierce" than shoe whores
:(

what does this mean for me? what am i supposed to say now when people ask me the inevitable question "hag or whore?" (cause, ya know, people ask me that allll the time).



i think i need to seriously re-evaluate my life in light of this new information, and adjust the way i live and interact in the world, knowing that i'm a whore not a hag.

"my name is demosthenes, and i am a shoe whore". what are you?

turning dwight-enese

dear dwight schrute,

oh geez! i think i am slowly turning into you. tonight, the hubs (jakt) talked me into watching battlestar galactica. so, thinking i'd watch just the first few minutes to indulge him, i ended up watching 3 hours of it.....

and really liked it......

and wanted to see more episodes.....

what. the. frack???





yeah, that's right, i said frack. i am just as weird and dorky as you!



i guess now i will start asking random people around me if they like BG......



and when they don't, berate them. it is after all the schrute way.





or sporadically start spouting bear attack information

or want my own bobblehead doll

k, actually i do want my own bobblehead. they are frakin sweet!





huh? i don't know. i guess it doesn't sound all bad. maybe i do want to be like you when i grow up. i mean, there are worse people i could want to be.......






bears. beets. battlestar galactica,




p.s. who do you want to be when you grow up?

couple dating

dear how i met your mother,

after watching last weeks episode, it has come to the attention of the hubs and i (srsly, he needs a name. it has been 7 months. i think the man deserves a pseudonym. i think jakt is very fitting).

so it has come to the attention of jakt and i, that there must be something wrong with us.


we have hung out with lots of couples, we think we have a great time, playing charades, watching the office, talking about how awesome we are. they seem to agree. we part ways with the promise of a call and another get together. but yet, the phone never rings for that follow up date.

at first, we blamed it on busy schedules. busy with kids. busy with life. that must be why our phone remained silent. but after awhile, i think we must face the hard. awful truth. that the problem is us.





as we sat, after our most recent fail, drowning our confusion and tears into a gallon of ice cream, it made me wonder what the problem is. are we:






creepy?






weird?







boring?




crazy?





are we destined to roam the earth on a bike built for two instead of four?





are our nights doomed to be dinners for two?






we are to endure all the foursomes that surround and mock us?



oh well, maybe we shouldn't rush into a game of charades with just anyone. maybe we should hold out for mr. and mrs. right. and one day, we too, can be on that bike built for four.



still looking for "the ones"





p.s. sound off- what is your opinion about couple dates?

pesc - a - what?!

dear valentine,

people always have tons of questions for me when they find out i'm vegan. this is one of my favorites: "what do you call someone who is vegetarian but still eats fish?".

first off, what am i the motherf*cking dictionary? why do you assume i have all the answers to your vegan related mysteries? secondly, i do have the answer. but you shouldn't assume that i do, meat eater!a person who eats fish isn't a vegetarian, and i'm sick and effing tired of them thinking they are! they are just a person who eats fish. period. they're not special. and they sure as h*ll aren't in the same league as vegetarians and vegans. (ya, i'm pretentious. what are you going to do about it?)

i guess it stems from the whole, catholics can't eat meat on good friday, but can still eat fish, cause in their eyes fish aren't meat. right. that makes perfect sense. cause, you know, fish don't have hearts, or brains, or feel pain. any one who claims they can still eat fish and be considered a vegetarian is an a**hole and i will punch them in the throat. (i'm looking at you mary tyler moore. your throat is mine).

http://www.vegsoc.org/fish/

pescatarian is a made up word specifically designed to make people feel better about their half a** lifestyle