pie rack

dear last man standing,

you have quickly become one of my

new favorite shows.

partly because most of my shows are on hiatus

but mostly because you are pretty dang funny.

i love that is tool time, but with daughters.


why mess with what works right?


i love the daughters.

how can you not when they make a pie break up song video?

yeah, this is my new favorite song!








p.s. anyone else think tim allen has aged really well?

the dollar tree?

dear dollar tree,

i just found out you sell nail polish.

look at this color......

i'm in love.

twilight saga: breaking dawn

dear breaking dawn,

what can i say? i loved you. i really loved you.

everything was much better this time around.

the pacing.

the acting.

while i wasn't a huge fan of the soundtrack (how could there be no MUSE?)

i LOVED that they played the song bella and edward danced to at the prom

in twilight.

i loved that they played bella's lullaby.

i loved the toasts at the reception, this is why the humans need to be

in each movie, their humanity is relatable.

i was happy with isle esme

and not grossed out by the delivery.

i loved the stephenie meyer made a cameo at the wedding.

i loved how gaunt and deathly they made bella.

by the way, kristen stewart may not be a great actress,

but she plays dead very well.

i could have done without the wolves (not a fan)

but since they had to be in there, i thought they were fine.

and how absolutely adorable was that baby???

and i LOVED ending it on bella's eyes!

AGGH! 356 more days until PART 2!!!!

p.s. i LOVED the hunger games trailer that played before

the movie. I guess that will have to get me through

until next november!!!

why it sucked

dear eclipse,


so lady tremaine and i saw you together last week.


and you didn't think we'd treat you any different than

new moon

or

twilight?


good. cuz we're not gonna.


1. actor switch

so lady tremaine and i agreed that riley totally should of

been cast as bella.



i mean, he acted the shiz out of the burning scene.

and they already had a wig.

done. and done.


2. the coordinated cullens




Val: what, did alice coordinate their fight clothes?

Demos: yeah, i can see her saying:

" this is very important to me emmett. i can't fight if we don't match"


3. fancy demetri


what is demetri doing in this scene?

i imagine the convo went something like this:

david slade: k, in this next scene try to act aloof. got it?

demetri: k, got it.

david: action! wait! Cut! Cut!

demetri: what?

david: i said be aloof! not a doof!



4. exercise classy


what is edward wearing? is that a sweater with track pants?

yeah, i think it is.

looks like he is trying to be his towns ron burgundy

"exercise classy, forks!"



5. the sometimes accent


oh my goodness.

bless jaspers little southern heart for really trying to sell that accent.

but just like the ending of new moon, it was laid on a bit too thick.

its like we get it!

You're Southern!

not only that, but i think carlisle got jealous of jaspers special elocution lessons and

decided to get in on the fun,

cuz he was fake accenting right along side with him.





in all fairness, this really should have been titled "why it rocked" .

this really was the best of the series so far, and we really had to dig deep into the barrel to find

stuff to make fun of.

but making fun is funner.

so we did that.


but surprisingly k.stew didn't give me a seizure with her incessant blinking and stuttering.


my mind didn't wander off when the wolves or jacob were on screen.


i loved the eclipse logo at the beginning of the movie.


and the soundtrack totally kick asphalt.

i have been listening to it non stop. still.


and the best part is that we are now this much closer to


BREAKING DAWN!!

the end of a party

dear starz,


i just heard that you have decided to cancel the quirky, but incredbily hilarious

party down.

this was one of the whity-est and cleverest shows on tv.

you srsly suck.

but to soften the blow, i just found out my favorite guyliner lostie,
richard alpert

(nestor carbonell )

will be joining another of my favoritest shows

he is supposed to have a couple episode arc throughout the season

which starts july 14! i will definitely be watching.

i have missed my favorite psychic detective and sidekick

p.s. don't forget about the sephora giftcard giveaway!

summer beauty

dear sephora,



did you hear about our giftcard giveaway?


you have so many incredible products, it is so hard to narrow it down.



what about:



some bronzer?

to give your face that shimmery glow of summertime?

or lip gloss?



to make your lips all purdy and pouty

(i have this in sugar.)







what about nail polish?







in a hot summer color?

so hurry on over to the giveaway, and don't forget to tell your friends!

what would you spend your $40 on?




p.s. you have to scroll down to the bottom of that post to read up on the giveaway!

silhouette prints

dear silhouette masterpiece theater,


how totally awesome and fetch are your prints






















answer:

very.

like, times 100

Matthews new Muse

Dear Matthew Bellamy,
(lead singer/guitarist for the band Muse)

over the weekend

you were spotted in paris

with kate hudson.

this is a travesty




i am of course referring to your pants.


i am not big in celebrity crushes or anything

but if you remember

when i picked a hollywood someone to go on a

pretend date with

i didn't pick rob

even though that new hair cut is really doing it for me


or eric



or ryan


he's hot. but can't act.




no.

i picked you.


and while i realize you were engaged like 6 months ago,


that didn't bother me.


shes was some no one,who we never saw and so it made keeping the dream alive, a little easier.


also, you were always a lay low kinda celeb, i only saw the most random pic of you


in the daily mail


now, if you are with kate hudson, not only will be seeing her everywhere
(making the illusion of your singledom harder)


but we will also be seeing you everywhere.


ruining the allure of your mysterious ways.



badly done matthew, badly done.***





***p.s. 10 awesome points to anyone who can name the movie
that line is from.

miles of stiles

dear julia stiles,


so i just read that you are going to be on this next season

of dexter


which suddenly takes your cool factor up by 10 points.


demos and i were discussing this news and it dawned us


where the eff have you been?


i feel like we should be playing



listen up gumshoes


okay, srsly, how awesome was that show?


answer: fetching


i always loved it when the kid struggled to identify the different states on the giant map at the

end of the show


"dude, you live in america!"


k, where was i?


ah, yes where you have been.


i mean i could easily google or imdb you


and find out what you have been up to


but that sounds like work.


wherever you were, i hope you did some serious penance

for that "movie"

save the last dance


don't get me wrong,


i loved it when it came out


but i was also 17


and like every other teenager,


i only had a half functioning brain.


either way, you doing a dark, gritty and completely compelling


show like dexter


will erase my vision of you in


in that ugly sweater and overalls.


yep, thats the one









p.s Letters from Valentine is now on facebook

stop by. be our friend.

Random Funny

dear LFV readers who have not totally given up on us,




wow, things have been kinda crazy and we have slacked off.


completely.


i started a new job a couple of weeks ago


and


i am now a federal employee


HOLLA!


so, my brain has been totally frazzled


trying to learn a new job,



driving an extra 2 hours a day



and



getting up 2 hours earlier



needless to say, i have not been feelin the funny.



Especially since i have been flying solo.


SUMMER
(i.e. wedding season)


is demo's busiest time of year


so i don't even expect to talk to her til sept!


but like stella, i'm am slowly


starting to get my groove back.


k, so i am not big into forwards.


like, not at all.


if i wanted to see animals dressed like people


i'd pick up one of the wondering dogs outside of chinese restaurants,


bring it home and do it myself.



but against my better judgement, i read this one, and it made me laugh.

like really laugh.


so i'd thought i'd share it




to maintain a healthy level of insanity:



1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.... See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!


3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.


4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.


5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'.


6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.


7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.


8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.


9. Sing Along At The Opera.


10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.


11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream Won! I Won!'


12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'


13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'



And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity



14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.



totally slacking,

the end of the seeker

dear legend of the seeker,

i heard last week that your awesomely, boob-erific, cheesy show


(that is so lame it is fetch)


will be no more.


while i am not entirely surprised, i am very sad.


and decided to pay tribute in the only way i know how


a homage:

good bye

sexy abs in tight leather pants



good bye

bad a** knife wielding chick with boobs always out



good bye

s&m dominatrix with weapons that are clearly vibrators



good bye

crazy old wizard who only throws kick asphalt wizards fire when it is convenient to the plot


good bye

disney aladdin/genie like villian who never seems to be able to kill the seeker, despite trying each week



good bye

magic amulets, that there was always an abundance of

and were the key to saving towns

(srsly who keeps making all these amulets???)




you have provided demos and i countless hours of discussing your often confusing, but awesomely awesome show


you will be missed,

random letters

dear eclipse movie,

what the fetch is going on with you?







dear dexter,







can't wait for you to be back on in four months.


you are srsly one of the best shows on tv

p.s. glad you are feeling better





dear LOST,


you are heartless bastards.

i am so in shock over last nights episode,

not sure when I'll be ready to talk to you again......




dear dr spaceman,



you srsly make 30 rock.

word.



dear vampire diaries,


how is it possible that a vampire,

high school drama,

on the CW

is better than twilight???

get back to me on that.



randomly yours,

ninjas, gymnasts and fonzie

dear LFV readers,

i am very slow on the whole "whats cool right now in viral vids"


which is why i am posting this absolutely high-larious video


almost a year after it has come out.


my only hope is that you have not seen it,


and i will considered cool again










have a fetch friday,

p.s. we are getting closer to our total awesome giveaway, we promise we have not forgotten!

when demos and i have too much time on our hands....

dear readers,


awhile back demosthenes and myself did a guest post over at another blog. since some of you might have missed it, decided to repost it here.


warning, this is hilariously dirty!


for those of you who know us, of course we are gonna be ourselves. and let's be honest, we think you prefer us that way. the following are a couple convo's that we have had. can you believe that this started out as an email discussion about a badly translated italian fan letter? and some how the jonas brothers, rpattz chest hair (we like to call it a chest mane) and saute pans got dragged in, then pureed in the food processor that is our brains and reconfigured until we were discussing "fella" names. yeah, that sounds about right.

Demosthenes: .........rob pattinson wouldn't call "his fella" mr. peeps, he'd go for something like big bronco


Valentine: since rob is british, he'd totally go for a formal name. like mr. wickham, handsome, devilish and loves the ladies.


demosthenes: i don't see him naming it something formal, he'd need an ego booster, like The Rhinocerus. what would emmett, from twilight, name it?


valentine: i still love calling it his mr wickham, and when we meet behind the dumpsters, i will say "k, where's johnny wickham"

calling someone's "fella" a rhinocerus is like calling it a giraffe! its kinda weird. and not hot. hmmm....what would emmett call it? the jackhammer? the bear?


demos: okay, i can see that with the giraffe (really, who says that?) but a rhino? come on, that's a beast!!! emmett would call it the jackhammer!! LOL thats perfect for him! and jasper (cullen, from twilight) would call it captain enormous, or something with rank.


val: jasper would go with a ranked name. something like general privates or captain copious, master (sgt) magnificient. these are starting to sound like super hero names.....super hero names that are fetching awesome.


demos: general private! that made me snicker, lol. and carlisle (cullen) would call it Dr Littleton


val: i don't know of many men that would want the word "little" in their peeps name...


demos: can't you see it? carlisle says to esme "did someone page Dr Littleton?" hahahaha, i am laughing as i write this!


val: oh my goodness! can you imagine if carlise had a sex pager? lol that esme would use when she was feeling the need, the need for carlisle's seed. and he would totally show up like in a bad porn.and be like


carlisle: "did someone page dr littleton?"
esme: " yes, i did. i need some of your venom"






demos: how the heck did we start talking about what fictional characters would name their wang?


val: i have NO idea!

* a couple of days later*

demos: mr darcy (pride and prejudice) would totes call his "the gentleman".
"alright ladies, here comes the gentleman!" he would practice his fencing with it in the mirror, lol. "nice play, gentleman, nice play"







demos: heres another one: harry potter would call his the "firebolt" LOL. "line up girls, the firebolt will take you on the ride of your life"



val: oh man, you are on fire! snape (harry potter) would call his the "potion stirrer", hagrid would go off to "tame his dragon" and dumbledore would go off to "make a deposit" in his pensive. oh, was that too far? should i not have dragged dumbledore into this?? lol


d: oh dang, dumbledore! LOL. you know me, nothing is too far! he'd arrive to an appointment with mcgonagall and have spooge stuck in his beard.

mcgonagall : "um professor... you have a little... yes in your beard"

dumbledore: "oh so sorry minerva dear. i do try to be careful but this beard is just so d*mn long!"

harry: "wanna ride my firebolt hermione?"






v: i am dying! that part with dumbledore and mcgonagall, so disgusting and hilarious!


d: ron would want something that sounds tough like "the mighty hypogriff"


v: i think han solo would call it "his wookie" as in he always lets his wookie win.


d: han would make fun of luke by calling his an ewok when they're at the urinal together.

d:richard cypher (legend of the seeker) would call his "the dagger of truth."

"hey kahlan, i have this awesome dagger in my pocket. wanna see?"

don't act like you all weren't thinking this stuff too! we're just the ones with the guts to say it out loud (and then publish it on the interwebs for everyone to see)


&