it's showtime synergy!

dear jem/jerrica benton,

oh how i loved you when i was a kid. you were the epitome of cool. first off, you had pink hair-cool. you had those star shaped earrings- super sweet. you were in a band- awesomely cool. you had a secret identity with the help of synergy-fetchingly awesome! you were also a pioneer of girls cartoons, before you, there were virtually none. now there are a lot, but because you helped pave the road for future cartoons! i remember that demosthenes and i would frequently play jem and the holograms, even though somehow i always ended having to be kimber instead of you....thats another story.



a while ago, remembering how fantastically cool you were, demosthenes and i decided to watch some of the episodes on you tube. about 10 minutes into one episode, we were both kinda like,didn't this use to be cool? why did we think the misfits were so menacing? on their most bada** day they are no more than wanna be punk posers! her boyfriend's name was rio? rio! and not only that, but he had purple hair.
oh, and the theme song:

Jem... Jem is truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous Woo ooo Jem... Jem the music's contagious (outrageous).

i realize that most theme songs are lame. but i didn't love and idolize other shows. i loved this show. so it was sad when i realized how lame its lyrics were.
i guess the lesson of this story is not to try to relive your favorite childhood memories, they are never quite like you remembered. they will always seem just a bit more cheesy than you thought!



on a slight tangent, i remember your doll. you weren't like barbie-at all. you were like 7 feet tall, had a big build and huge, flat feet. you towered over barbie. anyways, my mom refused to buy me and demosthenes a ken doll. i guess she figured our barbies didn't need to be doing whatever we needed a ken doll for LOL. whatevs! i was determined to get a ken doll, so, i shaved all of your hair off (sorry jem) and dressed you in ken clothes! so....instead of having barbie and ken make out...i now had lesbians....great. was that so much better? that'll teach my mom to not give us a ken doll! lol


you are truly outrageous,

another guest post by my fab sister, demosthenes!

dear valtrex users,

i'm sure genital herpes is an unpleasant thing. and i'm sure the medication, valtrex is an important part of making life more comfortable for you. but srlsy. i've seen the commercials. according to their research 70% of people with genital herpes got it by having sex with someone who had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak.

WTF?! so you're telling me 30% got it by having sex WHILE their partner was having an outbreak!! who does that? shouldn't the bright red, painful lesions have been a clue to fake an emergency and leave before doin' the dirty?!

take my advice and JUST SAY NO the next time somethin' down there just dun look right!

funcooker

dear coworkers,




that's right, i totally want one of these pocket microwaves, or fun cooker.
jealous much??? how incredibly awesome would it be to have this at my desk?! as much as i love sharing a microwave with 20 irritable, menopausal and hungry women, i somehow think i would love this bad boy more.

just think of it, no more waiting in line to heat up whatever barely edible, frozen entree that was on sale, no more worrying i will get yelled at if i make a mess or take too long, and no more having my food smell like the food that was cooked ahead of it.

i could sit in the comfort of my own fantastically small desk,(with all of my cubby buddies staring at me) and heat up my lunch in peace. think of how wonderful that would be, think of the possibilities.......sorry, i was frolicking in funcooker dreamland.



here is a haiku that demosthenes wrote to celebrate the awesomeness of the funcooker:

pocket microwave
heating up mini egg rolls
always makes my day

wolves

dear wolf pack,



um....wowza (shallow breathing, fanning self rapidly) this is one smokin' hot pic! i mean seriously, this is fetchin awesome. i must admit that i was a little apprehensive when i saw who was cast as the "wolf pack" i wasn't sure if they got it right or not, but after looking at this pic, i don't really care. all that matters is that you guys are bringin the goods!

if i had known you were gonna look like this, maybe i wouldn't have been so anti wolf ( this, however, does not mean i am on team jacob. that will never happen. never.) if it is possible, i am now, even more excited for new moon!!

oh and here is a little haiku for you(because haikus are the new twitter. didn't you know?)

super sexy wolves
with fetchingly sweet tatoos
ready for new moon


trying to breath normal,

unplugged

dear computer,


i know, we had plans. we had such grand plans, to spend the whole weekend together. the kind where anything could happen. the kind where we would be up all night having adventures. and i know, i totally abandoned you. no, you didn't do anything wrong, its not you, its me. i wasn't ready for an all weekend committment, not ready to settle down. i am young, and there is a whole world out there.

yes, i was with someone else, the hubs wanted to embrace the absolutely fantastic weekend and be outside. he enjoyed my full attention, that my mind was not on other things. and i must admit, it was fun. not the same kind of fun that we have, it was a different kind of fun, but fun none the less.

demosthenes is completely shocked that i went an entire weekend, thats friday, saturday and sunday without spending time with you. surprised that i could treat you in such a rude fashion. bewildered, that i didn't read any articles, check my email or blog. while it felt liberating to be away, i now feel completely out of it. i don't know all the happenings of family, friends, blog friends or the gossip of the new moon movie!

this has been a good experience for me, helped me realize that there should be balance in my life. all of one or another isn't healthy, but a little of both can help me be well rounded.
i may disappear again from time to time, but i promise to not have it be for so long, or to not at least tell you that i am gonna totally ditch you!


i'm a bad friend,

train wreck

dear lindsay,

oh my how your life is a mess! what happened to you? at least you are able to laugh at yourself, which is good because the rest of us have been laughing at you for quite awhile!

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

you're always good for a laugh,

avast ye

dear somali pirates,

i try to not get involved in political affairs. i feel that it is such a sensitive topic, but in your case, i will make an exception. I mean seriously guys, what the fetch? i was just reading in the news that you are now going to retaliate for what happened to your colleagues.....since when does your raiding, pirate buddy count as a colleague? do you also have meetings discussing TPS reports? do you ask each other if you are working hard or hardly working? are you planning to have a corporate retreat? oh, do you know what trust exercises you will be doing?



i also take issue with your demeanor and appearance. what self respecting pirate wears normal clothes? maybe all those pirate of the Caribbean movies have disillusioned me. but if you want to be taken seriously as a pirate, you really should invest in a puffy shirt or two, maybe some nice tall boots and a pirate hat. also, some eye liner and some beads in your hair wouldn't hurt. you might also want to take some of your doubloons you have stolen and hire a dialect coach. i mean, i have not heard a single, ahoy, thar she blows or all hands me hearties i must admit, i am a little disappointed.



so, if you genuinely want to be pirates, i suggest you take a cue from the extraordinary jack sparrow.

savvy?