i give up

dear kate's ex-fiance (adam miller),


okay, you win. i wasn't going to get involved in the whole "jon and kate" debacle, i really wasn't. i was going to steer clear of this one. well, that was until i read about your "exclusive" interview with star magazine.

first off, let me say, i am sure you are thinking you are super awesome because you were interviewed by star, but i got news for you, it was exclusive because no one else cares!! you are just some loser that is hoping to strike while the iron is hot and gain some notoriety and quick cash.

anyways, you claim that you are not surprised by kate's behavior because she was "always chasing money" and that she wanted you to " be her sugar daddy". k, lets start with the sugar daddy thing.......eww, never, and i mean never, say that again, it's totally creepy when you say it.

you, quote "spoiled Kate with gifts, like a diamond bracelet and a gold locket...." wait, i am gonna stop you right there, if you are anything like my boyfriend at 17, i can guarantee that you gave her a glass or zirconia bracelet and a gold painted locket. i highly doubt you were giving her real gold and diamond presents much less anything from Tiffanys, so we can safely assume that she wasn't using you to get fine jewelry.

oh wait! shh! here is my favorite part of the article:.....miller not only gave her the finest in gifts, but cuisine as well: “We’d eat mostly hamburgers, fries, cheetos. A typical night out was at Ruby Tuesday’s!”

i must admit, i had no idea that hamburgers, cheetos and ruby tuesdays were considered fine cuisine......i have been dining on fine cuisine all these years and i had no effing idea! how awesome is that?

so between your fake, cheap gifts, your "connoisseurship" of fine food, and your lameness in harboring ill feelings from a relationship 16 years ago; we are only left with one question: why in the world did she end up not marrying you? the world may never know......



i am not defending kate, but i am certainly making fun of you!



p.s. i am sooo second hand embarrassed for you!

all in the name of losing weight....

dear valentine,


was their strategy back then to make food so disgusting that people lose weight because they're not able to eat it? i think it must have been.....


is this the meal..... or what keeps you in the bathroom for an hour after you’ve eaten the meal? what part of this is melon? what type of melon? any melon that looks like this is a melon i don’t think i want to eat....


egads.... what kind of liquid is in that bowl?! i think you’re supposed to let the dish water drain, not save it for supplementing your salads....and the most important question: why are the ceramic animals drawn to this mysterious liquid? am i to understand that if i make this salad all the ceramic figurines in my house will join me for dinner? (not that i own any ceramic animal figurines.... of course i don’t)


ah yes, how refreshing!!! just sit back and let the clumpy tomato gel slide chunkily down your throat.


have you ever seen a more appealing plate of greasy meat? i don’t think the pineapple will agree that this is “spectacular”


this is what i serve for dinner when i invite over people that i hate. hey valentine, wanna come to dinner tomorrow?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! that's all i have to say about this

league of extraordinary ladies

dear kathie,


if only my high school JROTC Colonel could see me now, (that's right....demos and i were both JROTC nerds in h.s.....whaz up? where all my JROTC ho's at? holla!) wait,where was i? that's right, telling you how my Col. would be proud.....and i think he would be. i believe he always felt that demos and myself would go on to do something extraordinary and awesome:



and as you can see, we totally did! thank you kathie for gifting me with the "extraordinary and awesome" award. you are such an incredible blog friend, this means a lot to both demos and myself. your blog is definitely extraordinary, you find the most amazing deals, the coolest stuff, and fantastic crafts! everyone should totally check out your site!



this one didn't really come with any rules, so i am going to pass this award onto my 6 new blog friends:

1. imogen at sneak a peek

2. cheryl at the coolest mom on the block

3. Rocksee at the porch swing

4. chrissy at a lil' dash of diva

5. becca at isn't this fun!?

6. teri at the mighty m family


you guys are all awesome and a treat for that awesomeness- a haiku of course!


an award to me
i'm extraordinary
i am awesome too


isn't it awesome to be extraordinarily awesome?

twilight is the champion!

dear mtv,

yeah, i watched your movie awards last night, i wasn't going to, because let's be honest, it's not really something that i am really into. that is, until i heard that rob, kristen and taylor would be revealing a trailer for new moon. um, hi, of course i will sit through 3 hours just to watch a 1:48 clip! fetch yeah!

so i sat through the red carpet, i don't have mtv, but x17 streamed it online, and let me tell you, the interviewer was an absolute d*ck! he totally sounded like ned ryerson from groundhog day! and he didn't recognize ashley greene and kept calling kellan, kellum! i mean sheesh dude! it's only your job to know who celebrities are and to ask intelligent questions....and you fail on both accounts.


they are absolutely adorable! srsly, why aren't these 2 together?


kristen also was on the red carpet, but didn't really stop, at least not to talk to the d*uche that i was forced to listen to, totally don't blame her!



i thought she looked really great, and while i admire her for going with something other than heels, i am not digging the chucks....


here is taylor, looking totally cute and adorable in all his 17 year old glory.





anyways, the show finally started and it was surprisingly better than i anticipated,
andy samberg hosted and did a really funny skit spoofing slumdog millionaire, twilight, the reader and star trek. must admit, loved the twilight part the best, but i may be a bit biased


and here is rob, winning best breakout male. he looks absolutely swoon worthy!!


rob, kristen and taylor to introduce to trailer!!!! *squeal with delight*



poor kristen! she not only drops her award, but also jumps to get out of the way and kinda shrieks! but she came back to finish and proudly declares " i was just about as awkward as you thought i was gonna be"

oh kristen, yes you were, but i like you a little better now because of it.


and finally, the best movie award goes to:

that's right, twilight!! holla!! slumdog millionaire can totally suck it!!

there were a few slow, awkward, boring and just uncomfortable moments (yeah, i'm looking at you keifer sutherland....) but overall i really enjoyed it and i am glad that i stayed up frickin ridiculously late for it!


we all are champions, because we saw the new moon trailer,


p.s. sorry if this letter is a little rough, a) it's really late and b) i wasn't gonna do a post about the awards, but after watching it, changed my mind.

p.p.s.- sound off! how did ya'll like rob, kristen and crew, the new moon trailer or the award show in general?

girl crush

dear kristen,

i know i haven't always been very nice to you but in honor of memorial day tomorrow, i wanted to take today and play nice. but i know what you're thinking, memorial day was monday....well, according to wikipedia, it turns out that actually memorial day is may 30, and we observe it on the monday before to allow for a three day weekend. ah ha you've been wikied- so suck on that kstew!! okay, this is not a very good start to being nice....

anyways, this is my absolute favorite picture of you! you look totally beautiful. and hot, your legs go for days and is that a hint of a smile? i think it is. in this picture i kinda understand why rob seems interested in you, in every other photo i am convinced that he just hangs out with you so he can score free weed.

in this picture you look like you probably smell really nice, as opposed to real life where demos and myself are positive that you smell like pot and funyuns. in this picture you don't have hate and resentment in your eyes because someone wants a pic with you. in this photo, you actually look like you might have had fun at this shoot....is it possible that you can deviate from your surly, brusque and totally oatmeal personality and be happy and enjoy your fame? anything is possible.

anyways, for today i will put my snarkiness and frustration with you on hold. i will appreciate the awesomeness that is this picture and hope that someday you will allow us to see your happy, beautiful side again.


totally girl crushin',

paper or plastic?

dear walmart,

i love shopping at your stores. i really do. you are everywhere, you carry just about everything, and best of all, you are cheap! that last one really helps a girl like myself out. i can now buy way cooler stuff that i want, because i didn't just pay an a**load of money on stupid food.

i do have some frustration in regards to your employees. why don't they know how to bag groceries? i would think that in the job description, correct bagging of groceries would be high on the list, i don't know for sure, but my best guess is that it's up there.


from what i have seen from most of the employees at my local walmart, is that you had them watch a 10 minute video. and i am sorry to say, i don't think the video has paid off. in fact, i would bet that more than half of your employees were asleep during it, which would explain why there is so much variance in their bagging process.


you have the one dude who seems to think that everything weighs the same. he apparently sees no reason why heavy canned goods should not go on top of bread. either he is unaware of physics or he is an a**hole who is upset that he works at walmart, so my bread suffers for his life decisions.


then you have the bag nazi who seems to think that there is a shortage in bags. hey, i am all for not wasting excess resources, but there is a difference between being eco conscious and just an idiot. in what world does it seem appropriate to put an entire cart of groceries into 3 bags?! srsly? what the fetch?

and lets not forget the exact opposite of the bag nazi, the lady who seems to think that each item gets its own bag! so then i end up with 30 bags, which is not only awkward and weird, but it's also wasteful. why is there so much inconsistency in their bagging???

oh well, as i said earlier, your prices can not be beat, so i will continue to patron my local neighborhood walmart, but agghh! doesn't mean that it isn't frustrating each time i go!



you should really look into changing your bagging orientation,




p.s. sound off- where are the places you hate going?

fighting the good fight

dear valentine,

whats the grossest thing you can think of? if you answered: old people having sex, then please read on. for those of us who find the very thought of wrinkly, crinkly, senior citizen doggie style to be vomit inducing, there is hope in store.

virginia congress person, tim moran, feels the same way as us, ladies and gents. he has offered to save our brains from these disturbing mental images by introducing the: "Families for ED Advertising Decency Act, which prevents erectile dysfunction and male enhancement ads from appearing on radio and television between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m"

can i get a hallelujah?

the next time you see an ad for viagra and the image of an old dude with wrinkly balls and a broken penis riding bronco on his saggy boobed, balding wife appears in your mind, just remember..... the forces of righteousness are fighting the good fight to save future generations from these disturbing and rather frightening mental pictures.


lets all give a collective shout out to representative moran and his noble cause,