Monday, February 22, 2010

Valentine Visit

*** I wrote this post before Valentine's Day, but totally forgot to post it. I know the day has passed, but decided to go ahead and post it anyways!***

dear lovely children,

i know your aunty demosthenes and i have not been around lately. we were going to stop by for christmas, but what can i say? your parents phoned and told us you had been bad and to not bring any more silly presents for you.

well, they clearly don't know us very well, cuz how could we pass up all the lovely love goodies that we found?

love is certainly hard to find, but with this love gun, it just got a little easier. love with literally be in the air. just load up the love gun with one of the tiny cupids and aim it at the girl or boy of your dreams, and they will be yours.


we do not guarantee love will occur: bad hygiene, annoying laughs and weird habits must be factored in.

once you've got the girl, guy, person of your dreams, now what? from what i have seen, you can expect constant arguments of why he didn't compliment her new shirt to why she is always calling.

relationships are hard to maintain. but never fear, we've got your back baby ( i have a perpetual love/hate with eric from twilight for introducing that line into my vocabulary)

the love notes ball is here to help when you want to whisper sweet nothings into someones ear, and you can't think any nothings. just shake and look into the heart shaped window for 20 love messages.

and we didn't forget about all you losers single people, if you didn't find love this valentine's day, we have something for you as well:

your very own voodoo doll!

use this 9 inch doll to punish those who have may have wronged you, like that guy who you met at a party and you seemed to hit it off and he said he'd call you, but he never did, or you know, someone else.

stick a pin in the desired area to cause unfortunate events such as, a wine stain, insomnia or a hangnail.


please use your new found super powers in a responsible way.

and as always, we didn't forget about your parents:

How to Make Love: Secrets of Wooing from the 1930s. Follow this handy booklet and after 6 months before you know it, you'll be walking her home from church and holding hands on her parents front porch.

my my look at the time, we had better be off. but remember, if you are good, your aunties will be back and with some more awesomely sweet goodies!



Anonymous said...

that how to book is hilarious!!!!

come by and enter my giveaway :-)

Kristina P. said...

I want that gun!

MiMi said...

I want the book and the voodoo doll...pronto. :)
Also, Eric from Twilight has introduced me to a number of irritating for no reason at all I'll be sitting there and that scene will pop into my head where they are discussing what movie to see..."punch face, face punches..." Gah.

Alicia said...

hahaa!! better late than never and it was TOTALLY worth it! i need that book...seriously. people were freaky back in the day...i need to know how they learned to get their swerve on!

Kristin said...

I will have nightmares about that booklet!

Amy said...

Awesome! And how lame am I? I seriously want to read that wooing book from the 30's! I think it would be great to laugh at.

Anonymous said...

I really want a voodoo doll now.

Lizzie said...

too cute! why didn't i get shot with a love gun? :( bummer. hope you two are having a super fabulous weekend!!! be by soon to try and catch up on the hilarity i am sure i have been missing on here during my CRAZY (ok... lazy) life, ha ha.

toodles :)