twilight saga: breaking dawn

dear breaking dawn,

what can i say? i loved you. i really loved you.

everything was much better this time around.

the pacing.

the acting.

while i wasn't a huge fan of the soundtrack (how could there be no MUSE?)

i LOVED that they played the song bella and edward danced to at the prom

in twilight.

i loved that they played bella's lullaby.

i loved the toasts at the reception, this is why the humans need to be

in each movie, their humanity is relatable.

i was happy with isle esme

and not grossed out by the delivery.

i loved the stephenie meyer made a cameo at the wedding.

i loved how gaunt and deathly they made bella.

by the way, kristen stewart may not be a great actress,

but she plays dead very well.

i could have done without the wolves (not a fan)

but since they had to be in there, i thought they were fine.

and how absolutely adorable was that baby???

and i LOVED ending it on bella's eyes!

AGGH! 356 more days until PART 2!!!!

p.s. i LOVED the hunger games trailer that played before

the movie. I guess that will have to get me through

until next november!!!

why it sucked

dear eclipse,


so lady tremaine and i saw you together last week.


and you didn't think we'd treat you any different than

new moon

or

twilight?


good. cuz we're not gonna.


1. actor switch

so lady tremaine and i agreed that riley totally should of

been cast as bella.



i mean, he acted the shiz out of the burning scene.

and they already had a wig.

done. and done.


2. the coordinated cullens




Val: what, did alice coordinate their fight clothes?

Demos: yeah, i can see her saying:

" this is very important to me emmett. i can't fight if we don't match"


3. fancy demetri


what is demetri doing in this scene?

i imagine the convo went something like this:

david slade: k, in this next scene try to act aloof. got it?

demetri: k, got it.

david: action! wait! Cut! Cut!

demetri: what?

david: i said be aloof! not a doof!



4. exercise classy


what is edward wearing? is that a sweater with track pants?

yeah, i think it is.

looks like he is trying to be his towns ron burgundy

"exercise classy, forks!"



5. the sometimes accent


oh my goodness.

bless jaspers little southern heart for really trying to sell that accent.

but just like the ending of new moon, it was laid on a bit too thick.

its like we get it!

You're Southern!

not only that, but i think carlisle got jealous of jaspers special elocution lessons and

decided to get in on the fun,

cuz he was fake accenting right along side with him.





in all fairness, this really should have been titled "why it rocked" .

this really was the best of the series so far, and we really had to dig deep into the barrel to find

stuff to make fun of.

but making fun is funner.

so we did that.


but surprisingly k.stew didn't give me a seizure with her incessant blinking and stuttering.


my mind didn't wander off when the wolves or jacob were on screen.


i loved the eclipse logo at the beginning of the movie.


and the soundtrack totally kick asphalt.

i have been listening to it non stop. still.


and the best part is that we are now this much closer to


BREAKING DAWN!!

Matthews new Muse

Dear Matthew Bellamy,
(lead singer/guitarist for the band Muse)

over the weekend

you were spotted in paris

with kate hudson.

this is a travesty




i am of course referring to your pants.


i am not big in celebrity crushes or anything

but if you remember

when i picked a hollywood someone to go on a

pretend date with

i didn't pick rob

even though that new hair cut is really doing it for me


or eric



or ryan


he's hot. but can't act.




no.

i picked you.


and while i realize you were engaged like 6 months ago,


that didn't bother me.


shes was some no one,who we never saw and so it made keeping the dream alive, a little easier.


also, you were always a lay low kinda celeb, i only saw the most random pic of you


in the daily mail


now, if you are with kate hudson, not only will be seeing her everywhere
(making the illusion of your singledom harder)


but we will also be seeing you everywhere.


ruining the allure of your mysterious ways.



badly done matthew, badly done.***





***p.s. 10 awesome points to anyone who can name the movie
that line is from.

demos and val on the town

dear new moon,


we went, we saw and we loved.



but here are the events that led up to that moment:



we had to get ready. and of course we did it as we blared the new moon soundtrack. (have you heard it yet? it is totally amazing. emo edward gave it 4 sad faces cuz it's totally depressing.)






gots to look good right? what if edward showed up?




here is my after pic, with ZERO curl in my hair. oh well, it had more body. you got that, it wasn't a total waste of time!



and of course we had to have "sitting around 3 hours early" snacks. which we did. a huge mountain of sour patch kids, twizzlers, swedish fish and reeses pieces. all the classics.

and what better way to wash down all that sugar, than with blood!






i srsly, saw these labels online like 6 months ago, bookmarked them and totally forgot til weds night. that is srsly how i roll.

but, i did remember and in time. even got some awesomely red vitamin water to give it the perfect effect.




we srsly had 3 hours to kill til the movie started, so demos and i decided to do a quick photo op:


yep, i was so excited and spastic that i took a pic of the floor. isn't it pretty?





here is demos, kickin' back some of the ole red.

here i am, doing my best "brooding vampire" face. i think edward would be proud of how serious i was.

and of course, here we are together. make sure to read our boobs shirts. demosthenes went through, well not a lot of trouble, but certainly some trouble to make them. so read them d*mnit!



please disregard my strange face, there was this chick practically freaking out that the theater said "men who stare at goats" and not new moon. after this pic, we reassured her it was right and to shut the hale up!


we went back in and played a few lively games of uno. but had to stop, cuz i was positive the dude behind me was throwing signals to demos to tell her what cards i had. can't trust nobody.


at this point, we still had like 2 fetching hours left. what to do? um, hi, MADLIBS!


but, i don't know where one buys madlibs, so we (and when i say we, i totally mean demos) made up our own.

so, for your entertainment, our new moon themed madlibs. please note that it was about 11:00pm at this point, both had gotten up early, didn't nap and were on a sugar and blood rush. so they may not seem so funny now, but i promise we were rollin at the time.......


One day two shoes went to Forks, WA to watch new moon. rpattz hopped next to them and offered to burp them. kstew saw the two chairs with him and jumped his rickety car.

One day alice called bella to say Peter Pan was in Forks and if she wanted to go to the signing. Bella blurrily said hale yeah! but what about Edward, didn't he want to go to Rivendale? Alice reminded bella that edward was a dirty vamp, so they linked arms and shinely left.

so to sum up the night:

5 hours sitting in a movie theater seat, $10

enough candy to make us vomit, $25

new moon flavored t-shirts, $30

watching rpattz naked chest sparkle in the sun? ORGASMIC. oh wait, i mean "priceless". ya thats the word, i'm looking for.

srsly, seeing him half naked at the end was totes m goats the best thing that happened to me in all of last week. (don't tell my husband

thanks for an awesomely fetch time,

&

it's the final countdown

dear new moon,

hot. diggity. dog. ya'll!


the blogging whores (much love supah!) are back!!


sorry for the delay.

it took longer than we thought to kidnap rpattz, smuggle him out of the country and onto our private island in south america.

now that we are back, i have to say:


"hot dang! new moon is almost here!!!"

(do you see the 3 exclamation points? i mean biz-nass.)



two weeks from now, demosthenes and i will be standing in line, with hundreds of other losers, to see this movie at midnight. and if you are lucky, you might even get to see a picture of us. wearing our totally fetch new moon t-shirts, hopped up on caffeine and mad-libs, with no doubt a look in our eyes that clearly says:


"why the h*ll are we up at midnight to watch this lame movie"


now, before i get greased and spooned for that above comment. let me clarify, do i love twilight? yes. do i think this will be an incredible movie? no. but i will love it anyways.



as we are getting closer to the movie, i have prepared a checklist so i won't forget anything;



totally awesome new moon t-shirt to represent the vampire love?

check.


some of the ole red to "pour one out for the homies" (i.e.james)?

check.


classic middle school cut downs for any team jacob or team wolf fans?

check.


practice elbow jabs to stop any 12 year old skanks that try to steal our seats?

check.


brown paper bag (needed to vomit into) when k.stew tries to "act" any feeling other than hunger, tired or horny?

check.



i think i am all ready to go.




see you in 2 weeks,

p.s. you know, whenever i hear someone say "final countdown" i can't help but think of Gob from Arrested Development.





how awesome was that show?

answer: very.

more than you ever wanted to know

dear readers,


as promised, we are gonna finish answering the rest of your awesome questions:

hotpants asked: "Who is a bigger DB? Jon Gosselin or Spencer Pratt?"

D: i don't really know who spencer pratt is. (does that make me lame?)

V: i'm gonna say that SP has pulled ahead on this one.


debilyn asked: "what is one of your favorite "sister" memories?"

D: hmmm all my child hood memories of valentine involve her being mean to me. so i guess it would be from high school, when we used to sneak fast food into the house. one of us would go in and distract our mom, while the other took the taco bell contraband and ran straight upstairs to our rooms

V: in all fairness, i wasn't mean. i was just a year and a half older and she was an annoying little sister who totally ruined my street cred. the fast food story is certainly a funny one, but my fav memories are of us driving to school together in the morings, listening to the toast song, click here to hear it.

kathie asked: "what made you start this blog?"


D: valentine actually started it and i just kinda hi-jacked my way into it, LOL

V: i wanted an outlet for all my random (and plethora of twilight) thoughts. i asked demos if i started a blog if she'd be a part of it, she was hesitant, but agreed. the funny thing is that originally she was just gonna post every now and again, but come on, she's too hilarious to not have her post more often!


one pink fish asked: "If you could have a one night stand with any one famous person of your choice, who would it be?"

D: egads, i have to choose just one? rpattz is some serious eye candy :)

V: i really want mine to be rob, but sharing him with my sister? yeah, that has maury written all over it. i'll go with my second choice, eric bana.


the redhead riter asked: "If you have only one talent (including any you might already have), what would it be?"

D: i'd shoot lasers from my eyes

V: how am i supposed to follow that answer?


supah d asked:" Two things you're better at than your sis.. and two things your sis is better than you at. "

D: two things i'm better at than val: climbing trees, photoshopping pics

two things val is better at than me: scrapbooking, hand writing (she always says i write like a boy. and i guess its true)


V: two things i'm better at than demos: craft stuff and the sims (suck it!)


two things demos is better at than me: photoshop and finding weird/random things on the webs


foxy asked: "what song makes you want to get up and shake it?"

D: so many to choose from, but nothing beats "hit em up style" by blu cantrell. ah, high school.

V: yes! blu cantrell! we LOVED that song in high school.


alicia asked: "If you could be any cartoon character who would you be?"

V: penny from inspector gadget. that computer book was totally fetch.


D: rainbow bright. you don't mess with her or she'll bust your a**


clare asked: "Do you prefer coffee or tea?"

V: water, with the occasional sprite.

D: water exclusively



kimi asked: "Breakfast Club or Pretty in Pink?"

D: i srsly had to google to find out wth you were talking about. and so i guess my answer is pulp fiction.

V: i am kinda with demos on this one, we are 90s kids- mallrats.



it's all good asked: V: Mac or PC?

* i didn't realize the pizza topping question was just for demos. since i answered hers, shes gonna answer mine*

V: PC all the way

D: Mac

amy asked:V- if you had no limit on money, what would your house look like?

V: i currently live in an apartment, so any house sounds mighty sweet. but if money were no object, i guess i want what everyone wants, turrets, drawbridge and a mote. would have demos keep guard and if anyone tried to enter, she'd shoot them with her laser eyes.

the redhead riter asked: "What is your most embarrassing moment?"

D: i hate this question. next.

V: hey, if demos isn't gonna play. neither am i.


alicia asked: "If you could serenade me with any song, what would it be?"

D: "end of you" by sleater - kinney. if you don't know who sleater- kinney is, put down your cheetos and go download them right now. they're in the i-tunes store.

V: "endlessly" by muse. that song says "lets bone" like nothing else. not that i want to share that particular sentiment with you.......it's just a really good song.



yeah, that's a good place to end,


&

kristen's teen choice

dear kristen,


i don't know what to say in regards to your outfit choice for the teen choice awards. are those sharp, spiky blades attached to your skirt? why yes i believe they are.

source

okay, why are there sharp spikes on your dress? are they for cuttin' all the b**ches that try to come near you? or try to get near rob? if that's the case, i'll throw on my knife skirt and meet you down there. we can protect rob together. we'll be like the skirtblade sisters.


the thing is, this could have been such a great outfit, if only you had left the spikes at home. it would have been very young hollywood. fresh and cute. but instead, it just makes me wanna shout out:


yes, we get it! you're tough. you're a bada**. you're joan effing jett!! but here's the thing, you're not joan jett. you're just a confused teenage girl with a very. very. bad mullet. (why, oh why did you let them cut your hair???)


the thing that confuses me the most is, how are you and rob gonna get it on later in that thing? i would love to see him try to manuever this. it would be quite the feat. i don't even think the jackass guys would try to attempt it. your skirt is gonna frickin skewer rob's junk! and i take issue with that because we have a dumpster date later, so i can't have you all edward scissor hands-ing the goods. come on!



to be fair, you weren't the only girl there who wore a questionable outfit.....

source

miley cyrus. miss. disney, herself wore this. looks like halloween came early this year and the good girl decided to go as the slutty nurse, the naughty librarian a whore. (you're welcome whoever said we need to talk about whores more often ;)

can you believe this chick is 16? when i was 16 i had braces, a mom haircut (you know, a haircut given by mom. in your kitchen) and wearing irregular jeans (they sell them cheap if there is something wrong with them. remember that demos? remember? good times.) and we wonder why there are so many child predators, 16 doesn't look like it used to. why wasn't chris hansen at this thing?


um, i think i may have gotten slightly off topic. k, to sum up, you're skirt is an emergency room visit waiting to happen and miley looks like a story book disney whore princess.


tell rob i'll see him later. and to ignore all notes from demos,

demosthenes turn

dear valentine,


yesterday you shed some light onto the enigma that is valentine. i then felt obligated to do the same about me. thanks ;)


in some ways i'm way cooler than you valentine, but in other ways i'm waayyyyyy nerdier!


your technology is trapped in 1990 right? crappy cell phone, no caller id, no texting. i'm the complete opposite. i own 2 iphones, one ipod nano, a mac book, and a mac mini. that's in addition to my hubby's iphone, three ipods, and imac.


so how could a super awesomely cool, mac gal be a major nerd? (hanging head in embarrassment....) i also own all 11 wheel of time books, and count down to the next installment's release date.

if you don't know what WoT is, congratulations. you are automatically cooler than me. if you know exactly what i'm talking about and share my excitement for nov 2009, then you should work on getting a life. (and i mean a real life, not an internet chat room life where you get to name yourself aes sedai of the green ajah and flirt with some warders..... not that i've ever done that.....)



for some reason i can never seem to complete a conversation without mentioning lines from one of the following: star wars, harry potter, or the princess bride. for example.... one of my friends recently named her new baby girl eisley. my first thought? no, it wasn't "oh what a cute name!" or "congratulations on the new addition".






it was "that baby looks like it blasted itself out of mos eisley". (once again, if you don't know what mos eisley is, you've just gained 2 cool points. if you realize that its a most wretched hive of villainy and scum please do not pass go and do not collect $200).

biggest pet peeve:

crumpled paper products. that includes napkins, tissues, paper straw wrappers, etc. they should all be folded neatly with neat creases. crumpling them into a wad of paper is grounds for divorce. it was in the prenup.


slightly smaller pet peeve:

when people (other than my hubby or mom) call me "dear", "hun", "honey" or any other term of endearment. i am not their "hun" and its demeaning to call me that, especially if you are a complete stranger.


i think i've gone on too long already, and you are probably all slowly backing away from your computers, trying not to attract attention, like you're running from the t-rex in jurassic park.

don't worry, i'm not crazy. at least, that's what i wrote in the note i left on robert pattinson's car last night.

pervert in training

dearjust jared,


i totally love your gossip site, i really and truly do. for some reason, you don't seem as smutty as the others (though, i'm sure you probably are. you all are.) i really don't care about celebrity news quite so much as i do about celebrity pictures. and you are fetch when it comes to the pap snaps.

but why do you insist on only putting your twilight news, pics, updates on your lame teeny site, just jared jr??? i mean if the whole twilight and rpattz phenom has taught us anything, the most rabid fans are not 10 year old girls. oh no, they are 20 and 30 something gals. gals like demos and myself who would (legally i might add) meet him behind a dumpster.

so why lump the awesomeness that is twilight with the lameness that is young (and i mean young) hollywood? for example



Jennette McCurdy has some very exciting news! “capitol records nashville has signed me to a record deal!!!!"

k, so who the fetch are you and why am i supposed to care if you have signed a record deal to produce lame a** music with the likes of miley cyrus and the jobros???
wait, that's right....i don't!

Mitchel Musso rocks out on stage as he performs at The Taste of Chicago 2009

oh geez, another nuthugger wearing, jobros wanna be.....if only i was still in a training bra, then i'd think he was cool.
no. not even then is this dude cool.

Nicholas Braun picks out a pink shirt and strikes a pose

OMG! OMG! OMG! he. is. trying. on. a. fedora!! i can now die happy knowing nicholas (whoever the fetch he is) is a fedora man. *sigh*

i shouldn't have to see or know this!!!

srsly, just jared jr, you are turning me into esther molester, ChiMo at large. with all your making me sift through these youngins to get my twilight and rob fix....

shame on you just jared jr, shame. on. you.

twilight is the champion!

dear mtv,

yeah, i watched your movie awards last night, i wasn't going to, because let's be honest, it's not really something that i am really into. that is, until i heard that rob, kristen and taylor would be revealing a trailer for new moon. um, hi, of course i will sit through 3 hours just to watch a 1:48 clip! fetch yeah!

so i sat through the red carpet, i don't have mtv, but x17 streamed it online, and let me tell you, the interviewer was an absolute d*ck! he totally sounded like ned ryerson from groundhog day! and he didn't recognize ashley greene and kept calling kellan, kellum! i mean sheesh dude! it's only your job to know who celebrities are and to ask intelligent questions....and you fail on both accounts.


they are absolutely adorable! srsly, why aren't these 2 together?


kristen also was on the red carpet, but didn't really stop, at least not to talk to the d*uche that i was forced to listen to, totally don't blame her!



i thought she looked really great, and while i admire her for going with something other than heels, i am not digging the chucks....


here is taylor, looking totally cute and adorable in all his 17 year old glory.





anyways, the show finally started and it was surprisingly better than i anticipated,
andy samberg hosted and did a really funny skit spoofing slumdog millionaire, twilight, the reader and star trek. must admit, loved the twilight part the best, but i may be a bit biased


and here is rob, winning best breakout male. he looks absolutely swoon worthy!!


rob, kristen and taylor to introduce to trailer!!!! *squeal with delight*



poor kristen! she not only drops her award, but also jumps to get out of the way and kinda shrieks! but she came back to finish and proudly declares " i was just about as awkward as you thought i was gonna be"

oh kristen, yes you were, but i like you a little better now because of it.


and finally, the best movie award goes to:

that's right, twilight!! holla!! slumdog millionaire can totally suck it!!

there were a few slow, awkward, boring and just uncomfortable moments (yeah, i'm looking at you keifer sutherland....) but overall i really enjoyed it and i am glad that i stayed up frickin ridiculously late for it!


we all are champions, because we saw the new moon trailer,


p.s. sorry if this letter is a little rough, a) it's really late and b) i wasn't gonna do a post about the awards, but after watching it, changed my mind.

p.p.s.- sound off! how did ya'll like rob, kristen and crew, the new moon trailer or the award show in general?

rules of life

dear rob,




"dude where are you? i've been waiting by this dumpster for over an hour.........the robstew does not wait"


let me explain the backstory of that caption....demos and myself have a list of 10 rules, rules to live life by, per se. #7 on that list says that if you are gonna give someone a bj, it should be behind a dumpster. after looking at the list one day, we realized that you are invoking that rule everywhere you go! you are totally getting them from crazy fans, crazy fans' moms and crazy co-stars (ahem...nikki reed)

so when i saw this pic, i instantly knew what you were doing, you were waiting by a dumpster for a special friend to show up and make your night. demos and i totally agree you are waiting for someone, but who that someone was......


val: so why do you think he'd be waiting for jackson (jasper) instead of kellan (emmett) or peter (carlisle)? is it his aura of being slightly disturbed? his deep penetrating eyes? his love of suits and cowboy boots?


demos: its totes the deep penetrating eyes. lol.i can just see jackson and rob pattz, can't you? kellan is too much of a mans man to do that sort of thing with another dude. but the other two? they look like they're still trying to "find themselves" lol


val: yeah.... i guess i can see jackson being more likely to be up for stuff like that, and he is also kinda on the fringe of the whole twilight cast, so maybe he would also do it to be included. lol. now him and nikki reed have something to talk about!

demos: lol, he'd give rob a bj to be included? he'll be on oprah in 5 years "i was just trying to get him to like me, and now my life is all messed up...."


yeah, i totally know what you are up to, if you want me to keep it quiet, then meet me by the dumpster....