Monday, November 23, 2009

demos and val on the town

dear new moon,

we went, we saw and we loved.

but here are the events that led up to that moment:

we had to get ready. and of course we did it as we blared the new moon soundtrack. (have you heard it yet? it is totally amazing. emo edward gave it 4 sad faces cuz it's totally depressing.)

gots to look good right? what if edward showed up?

here is my after pic, with ZERO curl in my hair. oh well, it had more body. you got that, it wasn't a total waste of time!

and of course we had to have "sitting around 3 hours early" snacks. which we did. a huge mountain of sour patch kids, twizzlers, swedish fish and reeses pieces. all the classics.

and what better way to wash down all that sugar, than with blood!

i srsly, saw these labels online like 6 months ago, bookmarked them and totally forgot til weds night. that is srsly how i roll.

but, i did remember and in time. even got some awesomely red vitamin water to give it the perfect effect.

we srsly had 3 hours to kill til the movie started, so demos and i decided to do a quick photo op:

yep, i was so excited and spastic that i took a pic of the floor. isn't it pretty?

here is demos, kickin' back some of the ole red.

here i am, doing my best "brooding vampire" face. i think edward would be proud of how serious i was.

and of course, here we are together. make sure to read our boobs shirts. demosthenes went through, well not a lot of trouble, but certainly some trouble to make them. so read them d*mnit!

please disregard my strange face, there was this chick practically freaking out that the theater said "men who stare at goats" and not new moon. after this pic, we reassured her it was right and to shut the hale up!

we went back in and played a few lively games of uno. but had to stop, cuz i was positive the dude behind me was throwing signals to demos to tell her what cards i had. can't trust nobody.

at this point, we still had like 2 fetching hours left. what to do? um, hi, MADLIBS!

but, i don't know where one buys madlibs, so we (and when i say we, i totally mean demos) made up our own.

so, for your entertainment, our new moon themed madlibs. please note that it was about 11:00pm at this point, both had gotten up early, didn't nap and were on a sugar and blood rush. so they may not seem so funny now, but i promise we were rollin at the time.......

One day two shoes went to Forks, WA to watch new moon. rpattz hopped next to them and offered to burp them. kstew saw the two chairs with him and jumped his rickety car.

One day alice called bella to say Peter Pan was in Forks and if she wanted to go to the signing. Bella blurrily said hale yeah! but what about Edward, didn't he want to go to Rivendale? Alice reminded bella that edward was a dirty vamp, so they linked arms and shinely left.

so to sum up the night:

5 hours sitting in a movie theater seat, $10

enough candy to make us vomit, $25

new moon flavored t-shirts, $30

watching rpattz naked chest sparkle in the sun? ORGASMIC. oh wait, i mean "priceless". ya thats the word, i'm looking for.

srsly, seeing him half naked at the end was totes m goats the best thing that happened to me in all of last week. (don't tell my husband

thanks for an awesomely fetch time,


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

we interrupt......

dear LFV readers,

demosthenes is in town! yep, flew in, special delivery for new moon.

so, i won't be here. again.

but can you blame me? if your sister, who is super awesome and cool, came to visit, wouldn't you skeez out while she was here?

i knew you'd understand.

i'll be back on friday......maybe saturday. depends on how wild we get on opening night.

and will def. have pics to post (but no spoilers. promise. double pinky swear) of our fun night.

will also be on the hunt for the most supes lame twi fan that night. hint, i think it might be us!!

rockin it sister style,

p.s. i just noticed that i had the comments turned off. why does that keep happening???

Friday, November 13, 2009

happy b-day demosthenes!

dear demosthenes,

Happy, Happy, Happy, Birthday Kiki!!!
on this, your 25th birthday(holy crap, are you srsly 25 now??)

i just wanted to write a letter to you. to let you know why i love you being my sister and my blogner in crime.

why i love you:

you wish EE was real.

you go along with our "role play" even if it makes no sense

you find me funny, even if i'm not.

you have insane knowledge of twilight, harry potter and star wars trivia.

you keep me company at work.

you make me laugh. alot.

you are super creative.

you are hilarious.

you have a fun fashion sense.

you always find the craziest stuff that the interwebs have to offer.

you like the same lame shows as me, i.e. the legend of the seeker.

you are fearless.


thanks for being my friend for 25 years,

p.s. that totally fetch cake, is actually a creation of demosthenes. that's right, she totally made it. isn't she super talented???

Thursday, November 12, 2009

facebook to the rescue

dear facebook,

so you have gotten a lot of grief lately, selling users personal information without them knowing it, hackers have broken in and stolen users information. basically a lot of stealing information has been going on.

but finally, facebook has been hasn't done something bad, but rather, saved a kid from a 25 year prison sentence.

teenager, rodney bradford, was held for 13 days by police for breaking into a brooklyn residence. fortunately for him, at the time of the crime, he updated his facebook status, that showed he was making pancakes at the time.

the case was dismissed.

so the lesson to be learned here kids. whenever committing a crime, make sure you update your status that you are doing something other than the said crime. i'd recommend tweeting something like:

"busy taking a massive crap. not going ANYWHERE.

man, bathrooms sure are boring"

"just finished looking at the vanity fair outtakes of rob pattinson. now have girlwood. need to take care of biznass"

"deep into convo with demos as to who is the more swoon worthy: mr. darcy or edward. this could take awhile"

p.s. what excuse would you use?

Friday, November 6, 2009

universal truth

dear valentine,

it is a truth, universally acknowledged that there are two kinds of women in the world: bag hags and shoe whores.

I have always identified myself as a bag hag, thinking my love for new purses vs shoes was enough. but just today i realized that i own 19 pairs of shoes and only 8 purses.

jay says bag hags are more "fierce" than shoe whores

what does this mean for me? what am i supposed to say now when people ask me the inevitable question "hag or whore?" (cause, ya know, people ask me that allll the time).

i think i need to seriously re-evaluate my life in light of this new information, and adjust the way i live and interact in the world, knowing that i'm a whore not a hag.

"my name is demosthenes, and i am a shoe whore". what are you?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

it's the final countdown

dear new moon,

hot. diggity. dog. ya'll!

the blogging whores (much love supah!) are back!!

sorry for the delay.

it took longer than we thought to kidnap rpattz, smuggle him out of the country and onto our private island in south america.

now that we are back, i have to say:

"hot dang! new moon is almost here!!!"

(do you see the 3 exclamation points? i mean biz-nass.)

two weeks from now, demosthenes and i will be standing in line, with hundreds of other losers, to see this movie at midnight. and if you are lucky, you might even get to see a picture of us. wearing our totally fetch new moon t-shirts, hopped up on caffeine and mad-libs, with no doubt a look in our eyes that clearly says:

"why the h*ll are we up at midnight to watch this lame movie"

now, before i get greased and spooned for that above comment. let me clarify, do i love twilight? yes. do i think this will be an incredible movie? no. but i will love it anyways.

as we are getting closer to the movie, i have prepared a checklist so i won't forget anything;

totally awesome new moon t-shirt to represent the vampire love?


some of the ole red to "pour one out for the homies" (i.e.james)?


classic middle school cut downs for any team jacob or team wolf fans?


practice elbow jabs to stop any 12 year old skanks that try to steal our seats?


brown paper bag (needed to vomit into) when k.stew tries to "act" any feeling other than hunger, tired or horny?


i think i am all ready to go.

see you in 2 weeks,

p.s. you know, whenever i hear someone say "final countdown" i can't help but think of Gob from Arrested Development.

how awesome was that show?

answer: very.