rules of life

dear rob,




"dude where are you? i've been waiting by this dumpster for over an hour.........the robstew does not wait"


let me explain the backstory of that caption....demos and myself have a list of 10 rules, rules to live life by, per se. #7 on that list says that if you are gonna give someone a bj, it should be behind a dumpster. after looking at the list one day, we realized that you are invoking that rule everywhere you go! you are totally getting them from crazy fans, crazy fans' moms and crazy co-stars (ahem...nikki reed)

so when i saw this pic, i instantly knew what you were doing, you were waiting by a dumpster for a special friend to show up and make your night. demos and i totally agree you are waiting for someone, but who that someone was......


val: so why do you think he'd be waiting for jackson (jasper) instead of kellan (emmett) or peter (carlisle)? is it his aura of being slightly disturbed? his deep penetrating eyes? his love of suits and cowboy boots?


demos: its totes the deep penetrating eyes. lol.i can just see jackson and rob pattz, can't you? kellan is too much of a mans man to do that sort of thing with another dude. but the other two? they look like they're still trying to "find themselves" lol


val: yeah.... i guess i can see jackson being more likely to be up for stuff like that, and he is also kinda on the fringe of the whole twilight cast, so maybe he would also do it to be included. lol. now him and nikki reed have something to talk about!

demos: lol, he'd give rob a bj to be included? he'll be on oprah in 5 years "i was just trying to get him to like me, and now my life is all messed up...."


yeah, i totally know what you are up to, if you want me to keep it quiet, then meet me by the dumpster....

day 4 - vampire week (BDB)

if you are not familiar with emo edward or (EE) read this first

dear readers,


here is a convo demos and i had after i found out about a new vampire series:



Val: OMG!!! a gal here at work is listening to this vampire romance book, called eternal love. she had me listen to a couple of minutes of it....it is the lamest thing i have ever heard LOL the part i heard has the main character, mary, with her friend, visiting this place where all these vampires live together ( i think it's totally a vampire YMCA LOL)

she is in the hallway and a vampire, named rhage ( i kid you not) thinks she smells effing awesome and essentially starts to accost her with a d*ck as hard as diamonds ( srsly, that is what it said LOL) he loves the way that she speaks so he keeps telling her to say words like "luscious" and "strawberry" LOL anyways, they are interrupted by two of his friends ( vicious and wrath, who the fetch came up with these?) who tell him that he needs to stop because there is no sex in the hallway.

i can totally see it:

wrath: "rhage! we've been through this, there is a sign"

vicious: "if we catch you trying to have sex in the hallway again, we are going to revoke your membership" LOL


Demos: OMG!!!! that is sooooo bad!!! i'm dying over here, is your friend reading this for real, or for laughs? what a crappy, crappy book! i'm second hand embarrassed for the author, and third hand embarrassed for the reader, LOL.

i bet rhage crossed out the "no" part of the "no sex in the hallways sign", LOL. "they'll never know!!"

Val: so apparently this series is called the black dagger brotherhood (BDB) series (must be the name of the club they have at the vamp YMCA LOL)


Demos: LOL, the black dagger brotherhood club at the vamp YMCA!!! that is too funny! do they have monthly membership meetings and dues? or maybe they solve mysteries?


Val: i love that they have a club! i bet they totally have meetings and monthly dinners at great eateries around town like fuddruckers!!!


Demos: OMG, wait for it..... wait for it..........

Rhage: oh sh*t, look who just walked into the YMCA.....

wrath: you've got to be kidding me, didn't we kick him out last week?

(and enter stage left,EE!!)


EE: hey guys! whats up? we headed to fuddruckers? i know i can't eat like you guys do, but whatevs, we get to hang out! am i right? who messed up the "no sex in the hallway" sign?


Val: I totally love (to the 35th power!!) that EE showed up at the vamp ymca! they'd totally kick him out. he's probably the one who put the no sex sign up in the first place!!

EE: " hey rhage, my girlfriend, bella is coming to see me later.... what? no, i will being no such thing with her. no, no, its my skin that's like diamonds, not my d*ck......you guys always confuse that....."

Demos: esme (answering the telephone): oh hi rhage. again? okay, i'll be right over to pick him up

Val: i can imagine esme had to pick EE up because he was having a hypoglycemic fit, running around the YMCA imposing rules on everyone! LOL


keepin it real, vamp style,

day 3 - vampire week (emo edward)

dear edward (cullen, of course!)

demosthenes and i love you. you are so wonderfully perfect, from your perfect face, your perfectly chiseled body to your perfect manners as the perfect gentleman....frankly, it can be a little boring and not hilarious at all. and since hilarity is what keeps demosthenes and i sane, we have created a more fun version of you.

it all started after reading this fetchingly awesome convo (warning: effing hilarious, but very adult content)

if you didn't have time to read the entire thing, (that's cool, i realize not everyone has 8 work hours a day to kill)but i would highly recommend at least reading the first part of it. but i'll sum it up with this: it's essentially these 2 chicks talking about how funny it is that all the cullen couples were having "relations" all those decades, while you were alone. as we know in the books, that is why you are the most intelligent, because you spent your nights reading, learning and staying pure.

but an unfortunate side effect of....um repression, is that you turned into a neurotic, 40 year old house wife, complaining about messes, disorderly conduct and emmett's childish pranks.

anyways, demosthenes and i loved that convo, so much so, somehow over time that version of you was tweaked a little and you became a neurotic, sulky, emo teenager! LOL and we lovingly gifted this new version of you with the name of "emo edward"

so, now you know the origins of emo edward, i must admit that we love him. more than you. sorry, but you are just too boring to be fun and hilarious. but you are still our number 2 guy (maybe 3rd.....we love us some jasper)

hope you understand,



p.s. we totally envision that emo edward would be the end result from a drunken one night mistake between luke skywalker and hermione granger! he would totally get luke's whiny-ness and hermione's insane need for rules! LOL

day 2- vampire week (true blood)

dear true blood,


you're a pretty good series, and you did a few things right. i mean, this is what a vampire is supposed to look like:





you'll notice that he's not sparkling, nor is he wearing a turtleneck. bill compton looks f*&%ing mean. there is witty dialogue, an intriguing premise, and vampires that get burned by the sun. so whats my problem? aside from the spotty acting and atrocious accents, my problem centers around the way the three male leads all desperately try to get into sookie's pants.


she's not even that hot people! are there no other single women in louisiana? is the gap in her front teeth really that irresistible? in the famous words of heath ledger "does she have beer flavored nipples"? or perhaps in this case, O neg flavored nipples?





season two is starting in a few weeks, so unless you want to replace anna paquin with angelina jolie, lets tone down the number of penis' desperately trying to bone sookie stackhouse, kay? it'll make it all a little more believable.

day 1- vampire week (top 5)

dear new moon,

as you can see, we are kicking off our theme week today! totally sweet right? we think so. to start off your monday and ease you into the rest of the week, demosthenes and i came up with a top 5 reasons why your movie will suck.

you are our least favorite book, so hence will be our least favorite movie, but we realize that you play an important part in edward and bella's relationship....so we could never really dislike you. this is all in good fun. and besides,you are totes getting off easy, we gave your friend, twilight, 10 reasons why it sucked....


top 5 reasons new moon will suck:



1. no grand theft auto will actually take place

2. no lesbian love scene between nicki reed and kristen stewart

3. werewolves. meh

4. more cheesy sparkling

5. kristen stewart still won't be dead at the end



countin' it down vampyre style,




p.s. hope you enjoy the theme week!

holy lame sauce batman!

dear valentine,

i enjoy a good superhero movie as much as the next guy..... well..... maybe not quite as much as THIS guy:



for four years cincinnati has been protected by its own home grown caped crusader. he calls himself "shadow hare". was that really the best name he could come up with?!?! talk about not striking fear into the hearts of villains.... he may as well call himself "captain pansy", at least that implies some amount of authority.

and apparently he's not alone, there is a whole league of non-fear-inducing super heroes loose in the US. they call themselves the "allegiance of heroes" and include such lame sauce names as: "wall creeper" in colorado, "master legend" in florida, and "aclyptico" in pennsylvania. (okay, so maybe aclyptico is kind of a bad a** name)

and the best part? shadow hare has an arch nemesis! a super villain from the "consortium of evil" located in "the dark side". as you can tell from his craigslist add he must want to catch shadow hare very badly if he's willing to offer $10 in exchange for shadow hares identity. my advice to shadow hare? turn yourself in, take the money, buy a latte and end the embarrassment.





you can't make this sh*t up,

me? lovely?

dear kristen,




this is so incredibly awesome!! demosthenes and i are so supes excited to be gifted with this lovely blog award! i never thought that would be a word that described demos or myself! our mom will be so proud! i love your blog, you find super sweet fashion for super sweet prices. i love the outfits that you make to help people like myself who can not seem to coordinate clothes! LOL thanks again, we are totally psyched to be getting this.


Here are the rules of this lovely award:
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award


i'm not that cool....so i don't have 15 new blog friends LOL. so i'm just gonna pass it onto 10 new bloggy chicas ( in no particular order )

1. handbags and handguns
2. happily ever after
3. la vie est belle
4. my net finds
5. chocolate chip waffle
6. the luckiest mrs
7. the mighty m family
8. simply b
9. v spot
10. whitney inspired


rockin' the lovliness,