Wednesday, January 20, 2010

when demos and i have too much time on our hands....

dear readers,

awhile back demosthenes and myself did a guest post over at another blog. since some of you might have missed it, decided to repost it here.

warning, this is hilariously dirty!

for those of you who know us, of course we are gonna be ourselves. and let's be honest, we think you prefer us that way. the following are a couple convo's that we have had. can you believe that this started out as an email discussion about a badly translated italian fan letter? and some how the jonas brothers, rpattz chest hair (we like to call it a chest mane) and saute pans got dragged in, then pureed in the food processor that is our brains and reconfigured until we were discussing "fella" names. yeah, that sounds about right.

Demosthenes: .........rob pattinson wouldn't call "his fella" mr. peeps, he'd go for something like big bronco

Valentine: since rob is british, he'd totally go for a formal name. like mr. wickham, handsome, devilish and loves the ladies.

demosthenes: i don't see him naming it something formal, he'd need an ego booster, like The Rhinocerus. what would emmett, from twilight, name it?

valentine: i still love calling it his mr wickham, and when we meet behind the dumpsters, i will say "k, where's johnny wickham"

calling someone's "fella" a rhinocerus is like calling it a giraffe! its kinda weird. and not hot. hmmm....what would emmett call it? the jackhammer? the bear?

demos: okay, i can see that with the giraffe (really, who says that?) but a rhino? come on, that's a beast!!! emmett would call it the jackhammer!! LOL thats perfect for him! and jasper (cullen, from twilight) would call it captain enormous, or something with rank.

val: jasper would go with a ranked name. something like general privates or captain copious, master (sgt) magnificient. these are starting to sound like super hero names.....super hero names that are fetching awesome.

general private! that made me snicker, lol. and carlisle (cullen) would call it Dr Littleton

i don't know of many men that would want the word "little" in their peeps name...

can't you see it? carlisle says to esme "did someone page Dr Littleton?" hahahaha, i am laughing as i write this!

oh my goodness! can you imagine if carlise had a sex pager? lol that esme would use when she was feeling the need, the need for carlisle's seed. and he would totally show up like in a bad porn.and be like

carlisle: "did someone page dr littleton?"
esme: " yes, i did. i need some of your venom"

how the heck did we start talking about what fictional characters would name their wang?

i have NO idea!

* a couple of days later*

demos: mr darcy (pride and prejudice) would totes call his "the gentleman".
"alright ladies, here comes the gentleman!" he would practice his fencing with it in the mirror, lol. "nice play, gentleman, nice play"

demos: heres another one: harry potter would call his the "firebolt" LOL. "line up girls, the firebolt will take you on the ride of your life"

oh man, you are on fire! snape (harry potter) would call his the "potion stirrer", hagrid would go off to "tame his dragon" and dumbledore would go off to "make a deposit" in his pensive. oh, was that too far? should i not have dragged dumbledore into this?? lol

oh dang, dumbledore! LOL. you know me, nothing is too far! he'd arrive to an appointment with mcgonagall and have spooge stuck in his beard.

mcgonagall : "um professor... you have a little... yes in your beard"

dumbledore: "oh so sorry minerva dear. i do try to be careful but this beard is just so d*mn long!"

harry: "wanna ride my firebolt hermione?"

v: i am dying! that part with dumbledore and mcgonagall, so disgusting and hilarious!

ron would want something that sounds tough like "the mighty hypogriff"

i think han solo would call it "his wookie" as in he always lets his wookie win.

han would make fun of luke by calling his an ewok when they're at the urinal together.

d:richard cypher (legend of the seeker) would call his "the dagger of truth."

"hey kahlan, i have this awesome dagger in my pocket. wanna see?"

don't act like you all weren't thinking this stuff too! we're just the ones with the guts to say it out loud (and then publish it on the interwebs for everyone to see)



foxy said...

Okay, I was TOTALLY LAUGHING all the way through. I think my favorite was General Private. And Mr. Wickham. Seriously, that was hilars. Yeah, I just shortened that word... what of it??

wonder woman said...

Too funny!!

What would Jacob name his? The Wolfinator?

Kristina P. said...

You guys are hilarious.

I'm pretty sure R Patz would call his, "Nonexistent."

Mae Rae said...

ladies, ladies, ladies. That was too funny. You obviously had a little too much time on your hands. mr wickham and my wookie?

Anonymous said...

I remember this guest post. I'm still loving Dr. Littleton because I can totally see that scene in my head.

kys said...

This is effing hilarious. Loved it!