Tuesday, March 30, 2010

this is news?

dear ricky martin,

we already knew you were gay. this isn't a big deal.


(^^^^this is a hyperlink^^^^)


Monday, March 29, 2010

hurray for spring!!

dear spring,

you are one of my fav seasons eva!! right behind summer and fall. if this were the olympics and you were a weirdly proportioned athlete, you would be taking home the bronze medal to a proud (but still mildly disappointed) country! hurray!!

but i'm so glad you're here, because spring always brings the best stuff. flowers, and warm weather, rain to wash away the snow, and ....... W. T. F. !!!!!!

holy shiz spring! this year you brought me ET!!! this is the best spring ever!!! i found him hiding inside a shrub which had, sadly, outlived its usefulness. if this is the kind of treasure i find when i "garden" then i think i will just have to keep up this "gardening" thing.

(no i did not plant these just because they're called "Wee Willies". that was only part of the reason)

(grrrr, there seems to be some kind of glitch with blogger today. are the pics showing up now? or are they still no show?)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

giveaway,one year and surfboards

dear LFV readers,

according to our calculations (and blogger) one year ago today, was the very first post of letters from valentine!!

we can't believe how quickly a year has gone by and well,

it kinda snuck (sneaked?) up on us and to celebrate this auspicious occasion we are gonna do a giveaway.

and since we are so awesome, you know the giveaway will be pretty awesome too.

and will probably involve you answering a question about a hypothetical situation revolving around some fictional characters.

so don't forget to stop back soon for that!

we really want to thank you all for a great year, you guys are trying fetch!

so, since today is our first birthday, we decided that the only way to truly celebrate it is with a

what. the. fetch.



so according to the new york post disney is doing some extra casting for the new pirates of the caribbean movie.

apparently they are tired of looking at super flat surfboard kiera knightley and sent out this casting call:

""beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft7in-5ft8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants."

and just to make sure that they don't let in any falsies,

"potential lassies will have to undergo a
Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test and jog for judges."

um, what. the. fetch?

are we sure this isn't really a casting call for

privates of the caribbean?

"hello there captain jack sparrow, want to see my black pearl?"

happy one year everyone!!!


(ps, we just realized (and by "we" i mean valentine) that the comments were off! oops! d*mn you blogger!! they're back on now!)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

new reason to hate you kstew

dear kstew,

i've never liked you, which i know you're well aware of as you are surely an avid fan of the demos bloggerweb posts. your oatmeal expressions and lack of voice inflection, not to mention your soulless ring-wraith eyes and awkward poses are the perfect blend of blech.

but this latest promo appearance inspires a whole new level of disgust! congrats! i didn't think it was possible! but by being a guest on that a**hat's "show", you really out did your blech-ness.

team coco will now forever shun you! you are shunned!! SHUNNED I SAY!!

(oh, and hello again to all the readers!! i know right? i've been gone for like 4 months and then just show up without warning, like i've been here the whole time. what can i say? sometimes you gotta race)

Monday, March 8, 2010

strange baby names

dear future parents,

i know that naming your child can be a long and frustrating time (k, i don't really know cuz, i don't have kids, but whatevs)

everyone giving their opinions, suggesting names, telling you that there is no pressure, but if you wanted, you could name your baby, after them.

but as someone who works in a field, that sees a lot of new baby names, i am here to help guide you with a list of names i suggest you NOT use:


k, so you lurve your new electronic reading device, great, but don't name your kid after it.


so, i think the parent thinks that this spells "trey-shod" they would be wrong. but either way, whenever your kid has the world trash in their name, you are headed the wrong way on the baby naming road.


this is sooo a robot name. and i have no doubt that this guy is gonna grow up to be the
Khyron 3000, domestic robot, and make his master proud.


guess what? mystery is already not an unusual name, you don't have to go and make it even more unusual by changing the 'y' to an 'i'

Porsche Mary

so, they gave her a white trashy first name, but to help her to be respectable, they gave her the most boring middle name ever! i am so naming my kid cougar fred.


what. the. fetch. kind of name is that? oh its supposed to be pronounced "La dash A"? in what world is this a name? i'm sure she won't spend her entire life correcting people and cursing her parents for giving her such a stupid moniker


how is this not the generic drug name of valtrex?

"ah man, my peeps is totally burning, i need to take some valaria right away!"


i got nothin'.

again, this is just my opinion, you may totally love one or all of these names and are putting them down on your list. but just be fair warned, if you pick one of these names, i will make fun of you.

p.s. what strange names have you seen?