Wednesday, June 30, 2010

summer beauty

dear sephora,

did you hear about our giftcard giveaway?

you have so many incredible products, it is so hard to narrow it down.

what about:

some bronzer?

to give your face that shimmery glow of summertime?

or lip gloss?

to make your lips all purdy and pouty

(i have this in sugar.)

what about nail polish?

in a hot summer color?

so hurry on over to the giveaway, and don't forget to tell your friends!

what would you spend your $40 on?

p.s. you have to scroll down to the bottom of that post to read up on the giveaway!

Monday, June 28, 2010

sharing time

dear LFV readers,

so i tend to not share much about myself, i guess i figure i am not that interesting, but i have started to realize that my favorite blogs are always the ones where they share and you feel like you actually know them.

so yeah, i am basically saying that i want you to like me

so, i'll share.

hi. i'm valentine.

i am 27

i was born in texas

i only lived there for 4 years before we moved

so, no, i am NOT a texas girl

from a large family

i am #7 out of 8

demosthenes is of course #8

i have 3 brothers and 4 sisters

i did pretty good in high school, got a couple of nursing scholarships

turned out i hated nursing.

lost the scholarship

dropped out of school

who needs it right?

turns out i do!

got a job as a front desk receptionist

turns out i don't like people

notice there is a job that does not involve talking to people

i take it.

i am good at it.

so good that this past february i sat for my certification exam

i passed.

i am now a certified medical coder

working towards becoming a medical auditor.

i am married.

have been for 7 years

i have lived in






and now


i love britney.

like probably more than i should.

i blame it on me being a freshman in high school when she came out

it was a very influential time in my life

i can't be held responsible.

i LOVE mexican food.

and ice.

i LOVE ice.

love british tv


and pysch

I also love musicals

war movies

and anything jane austen

or jane austen-esque

i love celebrity gossip

and totally RULE

at remembering obscure actors

in obscure shows.

for some reason,

the husband is less than impressed.

i don't like wearing flip flops.

they feel unnatural

my toes don't like being seperated, they are a set.

something interesting about me:

i am tongue tied.

i have tried to have it fixed


but no luck.

so that is valentine. more or less.

it was more than you probably wanted to know

p.s. if you made it down this far, then you are truly awesome and deserve the prize that is hidden behind door #1.

we have been talking about this giveaway forever

just hemming and hawing over it.

but we are finally doing it.

we are giving away a $40 giftcard to

i know in the past we had less than traditional rules for winning a giveaway

but it is late, and i can't think of anything awesome for you guys to do to win

so, we'll go with traditional.

1 entry for just commenting that you want to be entered

1 entry if you blog about the giveaway

1 entry if you tweet about it

1 entry if you become our friend on facebook
(who says you can't buy friendship??)

1 entry if you tell a friend about letters from valentine

and of course, put each one in as a seperate comment.

this will be open until july 3

and i'll announce the winner

on monday, july 5

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

silhouette prints

dear silhouette masterpiece theater,

how totally awesome and fetch are your prints



like, times 100

Thursday, June 17, 2010

just because you can......

dear 66 year old woman who just gave birth to triplets,

so apparently on may 29 you gave birth to triplets, and became, possibly, the oldest woman ever
to do so.

i realize this is a miracle, a scientific breakthrough

but i think this is a case of just because science can

doesn't mean that you should.

concerned for your children who won't have a mother for long,

p.s. that pic isn't of the actual mother, its just a funny pic i found.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Matthews new Muse

Dear Matthew Bellamy,
(lead singer/guitarist for the band Muse)

over the weekend

you were spotted in paris

with kate hudson.

this is a travesty

i am of course referring to your pants.

i am not big in celebrity crushes or anything

but if you remember

when i picked a hollywood someone to go on a

pretend date with

i didn't pick rob

even though that new hair cut is really doing it for me

or eric

or ryan

he's hot. but can't act.


i picked you.

and while i realize you were engaged like 6 months ago,

that didn't bother me.

shes was some no one,who we never saw and so it made keeping the dream alive, a little easier.

also, you were always a lay low kinda celeb, i only saw the most random pic of you

in the daily mail

now, if you are with kate hudson, not only will be seeing her everywhere
(making the illusion of your singledom harder)

but we will also be seeing you everywhere.

ruining the allure of your mysterious ways.

badly done matthew, badly done.***

***p.s. 10 awesome points to anyone who can name the movie
that line is from.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

miles of stiles

dear julia stiles,

so i just read that you are going to be on this next season

of dexter

which suddenly takes your cool factor up by 10 points.

demos and i were discussing this news and it dawned us

where the eff have you been?

i feel like we should be playing

listen up gumshoes

okay, srsly, how awesome was that show?

answer: fetching

i always loved it when the kid struggled to identify the different states on the giant map at the

end of the show

"dude, you live in america!"

k, where was i?

ah, yes where you have been.

i mean i could easily google or imdb you

and find out what you have been up to

but that sounds like work.

wherever you were, i hope you did some serious penance

for that "movie"

save the last dance

don't get me wrong,

i loved it when it came out

but i was also 17

and like every other teenager,

i only had a half functioning brain.

either way, you doing a dark, gritty and completely compelling

show like dexter

will erase my vision of you in

in that ugly sweater and overalls.

yep, thats the one

p.s Letters from Valentine is now on facebook

stop by. be our friend.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Birds

dear obnoxious birds that wake me up every effing day at 5 AM,

don't worry, the day of payback is coming.

and coming soon.

you just might wake up one morning to a surprise homemade bird feeder

but instead of a yummy peanut butter treat,

it'll be avicide.

and i will get peaceful silence.


p.s. k, so while i am only half kidding about the killing the birds thing, why is it such a crazy idea?

how are they any different from other rodents or pests?

they carry disease just like any other animal.

cuz they are cute?

nope. they're not.

people have them as pets?

people have mice, and rats and snakes as pets

they are intelligent?

no, they fly into closed windows

case closed.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

toddlers and tiaras: rise of the oversexed toddler

dear LFV readers,

in honor of Toddlers and Tiaras having their season 3 premiere yesterday, i thought i'd repost a letter that demosthenes wrote last august.

it is such an awesome letter, that it is actually our highest viewed post.

its that good.
so you should definitely read it. again.

dear valentine,

i only managed to sit through about 15 minutes of this show, so i guess there's the slight possibility that i'm not being a fair critic. but i just about threw up. these crazy a** mom's are having their tiny babies prance around like whores on a street corner.

how nice of these mom's to put their 2-3 year old daughters in sexy clothes and display them so that all those chester child molesters can have a good time. it saves them the trouble of trying to hide their child porn from their wives.

as if young girls in america didn't have enough problems with self esteem and body image to begin with. these moms had the bright idea of indoctrinating their daughters from infancy that to be beautiful requires make up, perfectly styled hair, a tan, and provocative clothes. because no woman could possibly be considered beautiful if she *gasp* just looked the way God made her.

well done mom's, well done. now all you have to do is make sure your girls develop an eating disorder by 15, and get hooked on coke to stay thin by 18, and you'll have achieved a well and truly f*cked up daughter. congratulations.

the pageant mom's freely talk about the process for getting their kids ready for a show. lets see, fake eyelashes... check. fake spray tans.... check. big fake hair extensions.... check. fake teeth because your toddlers real baby teeth are falling out.... check. now some 80's looking hooker make up and we're all set!

srsly? what's the point of having a contest if everything on their bodies is fake? what are you judging, which brand of spray tanner coats the most evenly? its like having a contest to see which pie is best, but all the pies are made of plastic.

a 7 year old on the show actually said this: "i want to be a cheerleader, cause i like to show my belly and thats what they do". what a wonderful moral for her to be learning. a little whore in the making. i think i just shed a tear.

i think we all need something to wash down that sh*t soda, so heres a super awesome photo to take our minds off the destruction of a generation (yes, thats the cutest f*cking marmoset you've ever seen)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Random Funny

dear LFV readers who have not totally given up on us,

wow, things have been kinda crazy and we have slacked off.


i started a new job a couple of weeks ago


i am now a federal employee


so, my brain has been totally frazzled

trying to learn a new job,

driving an extra 2 hours a day


getting up 2 hours earlier

needless to say, i have not been feelin the funny.

Especially since i have been flying solo.

(i.e. wedding season)

is demo's busiest time of year

so i don't even expect to talk to her til sept!

but like stella, i'm am slowly

starting to get my groove back.

k, so i am not big into forwards.

like, not at all.

if i wanted to see animals dressed like people

i'd pick up one of the wondering dogs outside of chinese restaurants,

bring it home and do it myself.

but against my better judgement, i read this one, and it made me laugh.

like really laugh.

so i'd thought i'd share it

to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.... See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

totally slacking,