Tuesday, July 21, 2009

toy makers of the year

dear toy makers,


i understand that it can sometimes be difficult to think up new toys. something that is so totally awesome. something that all the kids drive their parents insane asking 100 times if they can have one. but with some toys, maybe you should have "slept on it" before you went ahead and decided to produce, market and sell said toy. par exemple:



okay, jack-in-the-boxes are already totally creepy. so how to make it less creepy? hey wait, i know! make the jack a weird eyed, purple space alien named blippy! um, yeah, no.




k, this is the creepiest way to save money ever. yes, this is a bank. a face bank. why oh why did someone think this was a great idea? if i were a kid, i'd rather eat my change rather than stick my hand into that freaky mouth. don't worry, someone at the toy company realized that this was weird and made it less freaky.....




or not. yeah, no eyes makes it tons less creepy. i imagine this is what a gumby character from hades would look like.





holy hannah! what is this? it appears to be My Little Prostitute Pony. no wait. it's only struts, the toy that "combines a little girl's love for horses with her love for fashion dolls." okay....good. i was concerned for a second.




yea! it's the chester molester doll, hugo, man of a thousand faces. i mean, could he be anymore creepy? between his dark stare, tiny arms and half body, i don't know which is worse.

look, he even comes with all sorts of disguises so he can stalk children safely in the open. whoever thought up this toy should be forced to have it by their bed all night. the thought of those beady eyes staring at you in the dark is punishment enough. major fail!



back to the drawing board guys,

21 comments:

Alicia said...

hey will you email me your address so i can send you the necklace?! thanks!!

Orange Juice said...

OMG! ROTFLMFAO! That was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny! EW EW EW!
But you know, if I were a a My Little Pony I would totally be a prostitute pony! SO be be all judgy there!
That man/face thing SO creepy I want to hide from it!
You should send this post to those companies LOL

Kathie @ my net finds said...

what the heck??? are these for real? freaky.

ONe PiNK FiSH said...

These cant be american toys; can they? Well, the pony of course must be. If we can put words are little girls butts, why not make apony into a prostitute?

funny post. lol

beth said...

sadly, my two year old daughter was sitting on my lap when i got to the part about the pony and now she is yelling "i want that! i want that in my house! show me the pony!" awesome. is two too young to let her play hooker?

Chrissy said...

Those are freakin bizarre. And yeah as a parent, those would never enter my house. WTF?! lol

Have a great day!

Amy said...

Holy Smokes! Those are creepy beyond belief! I cannot figure out the development for the toy companies let these get past them! The poor marketing departments!

Kristina P. said...

I am so glad I'm not a kid. Yikes!

LivingInspired said...

The prostitute pony is AWESOME. I love the long extension-like tail oh wait, and the lacy corset. Too funny.

Ronnica said...

Hmmm, not sure which is the worst...they're all pretty bad! I think that jack-in-the-box-ish thing would make any kid scream!

Hit 40 said...

I love Jack in the Boxes!!! I could wind them up all day.

Kinda like how I like to wind up my hubby!!

Waxy said...

Blippy is kinda scary - I need to get a box so I can give one to every annoying coworker who yaps about their kids too much...hehe

Kristin said...

A slutty pony? Seriously?

http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com said...

oh my GAWD that doll is so gross, creep out.
what strange finds.
And yea totally have no interest in seeing anyone I went to highschool with. Regular reunions that is. Thankfully we were ALL ill guided misfits so its cool.
Brittany
http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com

Jenni Jiggety said...

Those are some CREEPY toys! Yikes!

supah ~d said...

ahhhh ..lol..

Next matchbox will make a KIDNAP VAN.. complete with flamed sides and ill placed dents.

ahh you're funny.

thanks for stoppin in.

d

thatgirlblogs said...

maybe my favorite post of yours. so true, and I don't ever want to be in a dark alley with any of those toys.

Julie said...

Those are all just wrong. Some more than others!

Lizzie said...

oh i know what i'm getting you for Christmas now!!! thanks for the ideas :)

Mighty M said...

That stuff is weird!

Holly Noelle @ Domestic Dork said...

Ugly, freaky-ass pony.

Why the hell is it wearing sandals?