toy makers of the year

dear toy makers,


i understand that it can sometimes be difficult to think up new toys. something that is so totally awesome. something that all the kids drive their parents insane asking 100 times if they can have one. but with some toys, maybe you should have "slept on it" before you went ahead and decided to produce, market and sell said toy. par exemple:



okay, jack-in-the-boxes are already totally creepy. so how to make it less creepy? hey wait, i know! make the jack a weird eyed, purple space alien named blippy! um, yeah, no.




k, this is the creepiest way to save money ever. yes, this is a bank. a face bank. why oh why did someone think this was a great idea? if i were a kid, i'd rather eat my change rather than stick my hand into that freaky mouth. don't worry, someone at the toy company realized that this was weird and made it less freaky.....




or not. yeah, no eyes makes it tons less creepy. i imagine this is what a gumby character from hades would look like.





holy hannah! what is this? it appears to be My Little Prostitute Pony. no wait. it's only struts, the toy that "combines a little girl's love for horses with her love for fashion dolls." okay....good. i was concerned for a second.




yea! it's the chester molester doll, hugo, man of a thousand faces. i mean, could he be anymore creepy? between his dark stare, tiny arms and half body, i don't know which is worse.

look, he even comes with all sorts of disguises so he can stalk children safely in the open. whoever thought up this toy should be forced to have it by their bed all night. the thought of those beady eyes staring at you in the dark is punishment enough. major fail!



back to the drawing board guys,