Wednesday, July 8, 2009

pervert in training

dearjust jared,


i totally love your gossip site, i really and truly do. for some reason, you don't seem as smutty as the others (though, i'm sure you probably are. you all are.) i really don't care about celebrity news quite so much as i do about celebrity pictures. and you are fetch when it comes to the pap snaps.

but why do you insist on only putting your twilight news, pics, updates on your lame teeny site, just jared jr??? i mean if the whole twilight and rpattz phenom has taught us anything, the most rabid fans are not 10 year old girls. oh no, they are 20 and 30 something gals. gals like demos and myself who would (legally i might add) meet him behind a dumpster.

so why lump the awesomeness that is twilight with the lameness that is young (and i mean young) hollywood? for example



Jennette McCurdy has some very exciting news! “capitol records nashville has signed me to a record deal!!!!"


k, so who the fetch are you and why am i supposed to care if you have signed a record deal to produce lame a** music with the likes of miley cyrus and the jobros???
wait, that's right....i don't!



Mitchel Musso rocks out on stage as he performs at The Taste of Chicago 2009




oh geez, another nuthugger wearing, jobros wanna be.....if only i was still in a training bra, then i'd think he was cool.
no. not even then is this dude cool.





Nicholas Braun picks out a pink shirt and strikes a pose


OMG! OMG! OMG! he. is. trying. on. a. fedora!! i can now die happy knowing nicholas (whoever the fetch he is) is a fedora man. *sigh*

i shouldn't have to see or know this!!!




srsly, just jared jr, you are turning me into esther molester, ChiMo at large. with all your making me sift through these youngins to get my twilight and rob fix....


shame on you just jared jr, shame. on. you.



21 comments:

PetalsYoga said...

That was seriously funny. I must be pretty old and sheltered but I snorted out loud at:
oh geez, another nuthugger wearing, jobros wanna be.....if only i was still in a training bra, then i'd think he was cool.

Way too funny! Thanks for the early morning chortle.

robynxx said...

Hilarity, that! Loved it. Just Jared Jr. sounds like a total fail, and did you say they put all the Twilight goodness on that?! Blasphemy! :O

Lawls. Awesome post Valentine! :DD

Alicia said...

this post is exactly why i hold you so dear to my heart! the ChiMo?! classic...

Kathie @ my net finds said...

"another nuthugger wearing, jobros wanna be"....LOL. I am laughing so hard. This is now one of my favorites of your posts!!!

Jayne @ Misplaced City Girl said...

The biggest Twilight fans I personally know are ages 25 and 41. I've never read the books or seen the movie but the lead actor isn't so much "hot" in my opinion. He's more what I would call beautiful if that can be said of a guy. I don't know if it's the makeup or what...it's almost an ethereal like quality.

Mighty M said...

Loving this analysis - I don't know who any of those people are!! Maybe he should add an age disclaimer to the site, would that help you stay away?? ;-)

Dirty Mouth Mama said...

My first visit here. And you are making some sense to me. Although it took me a second on fetch!

Kimi said...

Ah good times. Sadly I know the first chick but only because my 7 year old loves iCarly. As for Rob being grouped in with the Jonas brothers... I'm pretty sure that is the kind of sin they send you straight on to hell for. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

thatgirlblogs said...

you know I love you but you have to tread lightly around my inappropriate Jonas Brothers crush...

beth said...

and here is where the dichotomy of "those who have kids/those who do not have kids" because sadly (and i do mean VERY SADLY here) i DO who all these tweens are actually, not the pink shirted, fedora wearing nicholas). sigh. you should tune in to nickelodeon and the disney channel more often to catch up on your just jared jr. gossip.

- beth
(still waiting for twilight to air on noggin so i can jump on that bandwagon)

Scrappy Girl said...

Funny! From a 30something Twilight addict...I totally get what you are saying. Unfortunately I know who most of those kids are thanks to my 13 year old daughter! I am popping over from SITS and I {{heart}} your blog.

Donna Childree Gotlib said...

I must be living in a parallel universe, or perhaps I have had my head in a hole. Who are these people?

Kristin said...

Ah ha. You're a teeny bopper. : )

Emily (Good Frau) said...

This is hilarious.

How the time's have changed. Anyone wearing pants like that when I was in high school would have been a huge nerd.

I guess things aren't so different. There are just more huge nerds now.

hotpants™ said...

I only know who the first chick is because iCarly often comes on before and after SpongeBob. I may have forgotten to change the channel a time or two. Don't tell anyone.

Meaghan said...

Had my laughing to hard my coffee almost came out of my nose :)

Stopping by from SITS to say hi & invite you to our Jewelry Giveaway. We are a small charity made up of men/women/kids who send cards & gifts to those battling cancer in hopes of lifting their spirits.

Stop by & get in on our giveaway & maybe even consider joining us.

www.spiritjump.org

Susan said...

Hello from SITS :)

That was hilarious. Thanks for that, great wake up for the afternoon :)

Jenni Jiggety said...

The things we do for Rob...

Night Owl Mama said...

funny I know who all those celebs are my dd is a huge fan lol stopping in to say hi

Orange Juice said...

I don;t know what you're talking about. They are all totally cool.

Modern Mama Diana said...

Thanks for visiting my blog on my SITS day. :)