Friday, July 31, 2009

you call these vampires?

dear valentine,

i think we can add a new reason why new moon will suck to our list. don't get me wrong, i am so excited to see it with you! but i died laughing when i saw the pics of the infamous volturi bad vamps





a key element to twi vamps is that they are always BEAUTIFUL! all of them, no exceptions. so why do aro, marcus and caius look about as alluring as a fat old man's a**? lets break this down shall we?


when i look at aro all i can see is pippin's embarrassing half brother who also happens to have a debilitating deformity. i mean come on guys, am i right or am i right?







"sorry professor marcus, i forgot to finish my defense against the dark arts homework"






and here we have the unholiest of unholy unions between ichabod crane and legolas (so that would make his celeb name ichabogolas? legobod? lichalas?)







now they at least got something right with jane and alec. they are beautiful its true. (much relieved). but where is the menace? where's the intensity? they're about as frightening as american girl dolls. i will be looking for the "meet jane" and "alec learns a lesson about honesty" books at the bookstore!







ah sigh. what would we do without twilight to make us laugh? (and you're no exception stephanie meyer, you're next. did you really think you could dress edward in beige turtlenecks and sleeveless button down shirts and there wouldn't be any repercussions?)



sadly disappointed,

20 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I would totally do Marcus, so I don't know what you're talking about.

Orange Juice said...

OMG SO funny! You are seriously brilliant!

I left you an award on my blog

Sarah said...

I totally agree although I don't even think Edward is hot...I know...I don't picture Edward when reading the books (almost done with #4)..I picture Taylor Kitsch. He should have at least been cast in New Moon as SOMEONE!

PS: the word verification that I am asked to enter for this comment is "spirme"

Kathie @ my net finds said...

that Caius guy is freaking me out!!! wow.

Scrappy Girl said...

Creeeppyy! I think they totally forgot the beautiful part...I am looking forward to Dakota Fanning though...I think she is great.

demosthenes said...

@ kristina P. i know a girl who thinks snape is sexy. maybe the two of you should start some kind of group or club ;)

Vivienne said...

I'm not up on my Twilight characters, but I love your comparisons! Love!

Multiple personalities.. said...

You crack me up! Yea, those Volturi vamps aren't as beautiful as vamps should be. But I do think they got Jane and Alec pretty good. I think they look 'pretty' and not exactly menacing because they're supposed to the 'children' vamps...just a guess, who know what the movie makers were thinking. As for the Marcus...um, no, not exactly doable for me, he does bear a striking resemblance to the bat like Snape. Thanks for sharing this! It made me laugh!

Amy said...

Haha. Lovin it, as always. It's funny, but I still haven't seen the first movie. One of these days I know I will and it will be a comedy to me. Thanks for the laughs.

Hit 40 said...

Great comparisons. I love to nickname folks at work after tv/movie show characters. I have an Abbott and costello at work. And a laurel and hardy

ONe PiNK FiSH said...

Hi, girls. I know that you have already received the award I am passing on to you ,but I had to let you know that your blog id freakin' halarious. I love reading every post you write. I'm not one to LOL very often, but you gals get me almost every time.

Stop by onepinkfish for a little love.

www.sandersmemoirs.blogspot.com

Kristin said...

Every time the hubs sees Orlando Bloom he screams "Lichalas." And yes the blazers are back. You know you wanna try it.

hotpants™ said...

Am I the only one who pictures Jane older? Dakota Fanning's a great actress, but I cannot see her as Jane. Regardless of the casting, I will watch this movie 72 times at least.

The Redhead Riter said...

for you...

http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com/2009/08/secrets-friends-and-sharing.html

ModernMom said...

How incredibly smart and funny!!

underthebigbluesky said...

whenever i need to almost pee my pants....i know where to come.

yuck! i hadn't seen these yet. are they serious?

as if i didn't think the cullens in their baseball attire were bad enough!

Lizzie said...

you know... you could use the Volturi symbol as YOUR "v" :)

ok, can i get a "what what" on how INSANELY HOT Ichabod crane is???? *sigh* i'll be chillin with my glass of wine and some headless horseman videos tonight! hee hee

Jenni Jiggety said...

I am withholding judgment until I see the movie. Of course, I will be so busy drooling and swooning over Edward that I am not sure I will even notice any other vampires.

Mighty M said...

Haha!! Still can't wait to see it...

supah ~d said...

That was the funniest thing I have read in such a long time... I am pissing myself at the ichabogolos... and american girl dolls..

literally pissing myself..

ok.. now i'm intrigued.. i have to profile you two and figure out wha the hell is going on. im hooked.
d