Wednesday, April 29, 2009

it's showtime synergy!

dear jem/jerrica benton,

oh how i loved you when i was a kid. you were the epitome of cool. first off, you had pink hair-cool. you had those star shaped earrings- super sweet. you were in a band- awesomely cool. you had a secret identity with the help of synergy-fetchingly awesome! you were also a pioneer of girls cartoons, before you, there were virtually none. now there are a lot, but because you helped pave the road for future cartoons! i remember that demosthenes and i would frequently play jem and the holograms, even though somehow i always ended having to be kimber instead of you....thats another story.

a while ago, remembering how fantastically cool you were, demosthenes and i decided to watch some of the episodes on you tube. about 10 minutes into one episode, we were both kinda like,didn't this use to be cool? why did we think the misfits were so menacing? on their most bada** day they are no more than wanna be punk posers! her boyfriend's name was rio? rio! and not only that, but he had purple hair.
oh, and the theme song:

Jem... Jem is truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous Woo ooo Jem... Jem the music's contagious (outrageous).

i realize that most theme songs are lame. but i didn't love and idolize other shows. i loved this show. so it was sad when i realized how lame its lyrics were.
i guess the lesson of this story is not to try to relive your favorite childhood memories, they are never quite like you remembered. they will always seem just a bit more cheesy than you thought!

on a slight tangent, i remember your doll. you weren't like barbie-at all. you were like 7 feet tall, had a big build and huge, flat feet. you towered over barbie. anyways, my mom refused to buy me and demosthenes a ken doll. i guess she figured our barbies didn't need to be doing whatever we needed a ken doll for LOL. whatevs! i was determined to get a ken doll, so, i shaved all of your hair off (sorry jem) and dressed you in ken clothes! so....instead of having barbie and ken make out...i now had lesbians....great. was that so much better? that'll teach my mom to not give us a ken doll! lol

you are truly outrageous,

Monday, April 27, 2009

another guest post by my fab sister, demosthenes!

dear valtrex users,

i'm sure genital herpes is an unpleasant thing. and i'm sure the medication, valtrex is an important part of making life more comfortable for you. but srlsy. i've seen the commercials. according to their research 70% of people with genital herpes got it by having sex with someone who had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak.

WTF?! so you're telling me 30% got it by having sex WHILE their partner was having an outbreak!! who does that? shouldn't the bright red, painful lesions have been a clue to fake an emergency and leave before doin' the dirty?!

take my advice and JUST SAY NO the next time somethin' down there just dun look right!

Saturday, April 25, 2009


dear coworkers,

that's right, i totally want one of these pocket microwaves, or fun cooker.
jealous much??? how incredibly awesome would it be to have this at my desk?! as much as i love sharing a microwave with 20 irritable, menopausal and hungry women, i somehow think i would love this bad boy more.

just think of it, no more waiting in line to heat up whatever barely edible, frozen entree that was on sale, no more worrying i will get yelled at if i make a mess or take too long, and no more having my food smell like the food that was cooked ahead of it.

i could sit in the comfort of my own fantastically small desk,(with all of my cubby buddies staring at me) and heat up my lunch in peace. think of how wonderful that would be, think of the possibilities.......sorry, i was frolicking in funcooker dreamland.

here is a haiku that demosthenes wrote to celebrate the awesomeness of the funcooker:

pocket microwave
heating up mini egg rolls
always makes my day

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


dear wolf pack,

um....wowza (shallow breathing, fanning self rapidly) this is one smokin' hot pic! i mean seriously, this is fetchin awesome. i must admit that i was a little apprehensive when i saw who was cast as the "wolf pack" i wasn't sure if they got it right or not, but after looking at this pic, i don't really care. all that matters is that you guys are bringin the goods!

if i had known you were gonna look like this, maybe i wouldn't have been so anti wolf ( this, however, does not mean i am on team jacob. that will never happen. never.) if it is possible, i am now, even more excited for new moon!!

oh and here is a little haiku for you(because haikus are the new twitter. didn't you know?)

super sexy wolves
with fetchingly sweet tatoos
ready for new moon

trying to breath normal,

Monday, April 20, 2009


dear computer,

i know, we had plans. we had such grand plans, to spend the whole weekend together. the kind where anything could happen. the kind where we would be up all night having adventures. and i know, i totally abandoned you. no, you didn't do anything wrong, its not you, its me. i wasn't ready for an all weekend committment, not ready to settle down. i am young, and there is a whole world out there.

yes, i was with someone else, the hubs wanted to embrace the absolutely fantastic weekend and be outside. he enjoyed my full attention, that my mind was not on other things. and i must admit, it was fun. not the same kind of fun that we have, it was a different kind of fun, but fun none the less.

demosthenes is completely shocked that i went an entire weekend, thats friday, saturday and sunday without spending time with you. surprised that i could treat you in such a rude fashion. bewildered, that i didn't read any articles, check my email or blog. while it felt liberating to be away, i now feel completely out of it. i don't know all the happenings of family, friends, blog friends or the gossip of the new moon movie!

this has been a good experience for me, helped me realize that there should be balance in my life. all of one or another isn't healthy, but a little of both can help me be well rounded.
i may disappear again from time to time, but i promise to not have it be for so long, or to not at least tell you that i am gonna totally ditch you!

i'm a bad friend,

Friday, April 17, 2009

train wreck

dear lindsay,

oh my how your life is a mess! what happened to you? at least you are able to laugh at yourself, which is good because the rest of us have been laughing at you for quite awhile!

you're always good for a laugh,

Thursday, April 16, 2009

avast ye

dear somali pirates,

i try to not get involved in political affairs. i feel that it is such a sensitive topic, but in your case, i will make an exception. I mean seriously guys, what the fetch? i was just reading in the news that you are now going to retaliate for what happened to your colleagues.....since when does your raiding, pirate buddy count as a colleague? do you also have meetings discussing TPS reports? do you ask each other if you are working hard or hardly working? are you planning to have a corporate retreat? oh, do you know what trust exercises you will be doing?

i also take issue with your demeanor and appearance. what self respecting pirate wears normal clothes? maybe all those pirate of the Caribbean movies have disillusioned me. but if you want to be taken seriously as a pirate, you really should invest in a puffy shirt or two, maybe some nice tall boots and a pirate hat. also, some eye liner and some beads in your hair wouldn't hurt. you might also want to take some of your doubloons you have stolen and hire a dialect coach. i mean, i have not heard a single, ahoy, thar she blows or all hands me hearties i must admit, i am a little disappointed.

so, if you genuinely want to be pirates, i suggest you take a cue from the extraordinary jack sparrow.


kreativ blogger

dear beth,

i am so excited you have gifted me with the Kreativ Blogger award! this is my first award, and demosthenes and i are totally stoked about getting it. we are fairly new to the blog scene and are glad that our hours of strange, weird and pointless convo's are being recognized! thanks again!

and i would like to pass this spicy curry award onto the good frau.
i love her blog. it is hilarious, sweet and honest. also, she takes technology revolutions very serious, which is an important quality for this prestigious award.

thanks to the academy,

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

guest post

dear breakfast eaters of the world,

how many mornings have you sat at the breakfast table in deep contemplation, while staring at your plate of bacon and eggs? perhaps you are pondering the meaning of life. perhaps you are dreading the upcoming day at work (unless you are me, in which case you will spend the entire work day emailing valentine). and maybe.... just maybe, you would be wondering to yourself "what would bacon do"? luckily for breakfast eaters everywhere the "WWBD" spinner wheel folder is there to answer that very question. would bacon boycott tofu? hang out with hashbrowns? tempt a vegan? spin the wheel and find out!

decisions are hard. bacon is tasty.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

he's back!

dear nathan fillion,

oh how my heart sings to see that you are back on tv! i will not forget the first time i was introduced to you,(and by that i mean, i saw you on it was more of a one sided introduction, but i assure you, that it didn't lessen the importance of it any) back then you were mal reynolds, captain of a firefly class ship, serenity. you sure had some crazy adventures stealing alliance goods, harboring fugitives and avoiding arrest from said alliance. but, alas, turns out that you were not long for this 'verse and they swiftly cut your show. i was devestated.

i had to wait a good long 6 years before i could see you again (yes, i am aware you had a brief stint on desperate housewives, but since i have already enlightened you about my feelings regarding that "show" and since we agreed to not discuss that again, i am moving on) and finally, due to the writers strike, you were able to come out of the shadows and into my heart again, this time as another captain, captain hammer, in dr horrible's sing along blog. it was the one bright point of an otherwise very bleak summer (at least entertainment wise). i had no idea you could sing or looked so good in welding gloves.
but once again, it could not be forever and 3 short webisodes later, you were gone as quicky as you came, must be your superhero training

and now you are back, on castle, prime time baby! and while this particular character is not one of your best or most lovable, ( a tad too smug without your usual charm and its a bit too obvious you want to bone beckett. but i'm not jealous) but i am willing to give you a chance. i do enjoy seeing you every week trying to solve crimes from the perspective of a murder mystery writer. i am glad you are back and that maybe america will finally take notice of you. i realize that means sharing you with others,but that's fine, as along as you realize who your first love is.

welcome back,

Monday, April 13, 2009

i'm sure that's not dangerous....

dear botox users,

In ancient China, the 4-inch "lotus foot" was considered a sign of perfect beauty. The practice of foot-binding, involved breaking the bones of the forefoot and folding them forward, then tying the misshapen appendage to prohibit growth.

For ancient Egyptians, Romans, and Persians, sparkling eyes were considered beautiful and they applied the heavy metal antimony to make their conjunctiva sparkle.

In the Elizabethan Era, women covered their skin with ceruse (lead-based) makeup, which caused peripheral neuropathy, gout, anemia, chronic renal failure, and disfiguring scarring.

In the 16th and 17th centuries, the wealthy used belladonna eyedrops to dilate their pupils, they risked retinal damage, glaucoma, and blindness.

During the 18th century, vermilion rouge, concocted of sulphur and mercury, achieved popularity. Users lost teeth, suffered gingivitis, and (unknowingly) risked kidney and nervous system damage from mercury.

Corseting, popular from the 14th to 19th centuries, caused shallow breathing, combined with inadequate venous return, produced fainting and swooning as well as hiatal hernias.

all of the above sound completely ridiculous. i can't believe that these beauty tricks were thought up, much less actually practiced. i would love to think as logical and rational women, we are much more intelligent now, then we were in the 15th century, apparently not:

oh yeah, this is totally beautiful, not creepy at all.....

yeah, i am sure people always confuse her for 30 years old, i mean how could they not? by making her lips bigger, it makes her face younger, i know, i know, its a strange science.....

egads!! i mean, you are looking extra special this evening, the shine off your lips is quite stunning.

i guess we are no different from those of the past, always looking for the "new" thing for beauty, i just can't believe i will have to tell my future daughters that when i was growing up, women injected themselves with botulism all in the name of looking young.....

none for me thanks,

p.s the beauty facts are from an article "beauty and body modification" from

Friday, April 10, 2009

parks and recreation

dear office fans,

did you watch the new office "spin off" parks and recreation? did you like it? was it what you were expecting? better? did you like leslie knope? how does she compare to michael scott?

here is our review of p & r:

demosthenes: trying not to be too harsh, but really its just a poor mans version of the office. amy poehler's character is way too similar to steve carrell's michael scott. the set up is exactly the same, i get the feeling that the writers/producers were just being lazy and repackaging the same idea with new faces to try to cash in on the office's popularity. there were some lines/scenes that were worth smiles and a few chuckles, but overall it wasn't "LOL" funny, much less "ROFL" funny. i would compare it to this season of the office (vs. previous seasons which have been HI-larious), both are so close to being funny, but are falling just a bit short.

valentine: i would agree that it does seem to be the office, repackaged as parks and recreation. it is very reminiscent of the early seasons of the office, it did have its sweet, charming and awkward times. I did find myself smiling throughout almost of it, so that is a good sign, but no LOL moments.
i am a little concerned that we may end up with 2 mediocre shows instead of 1 fantastic one. but i hope that this show will grow into a pretty great show and will be a good addition to the thursday night schedule.

what did you think of the first episode of parks and recreation? leave me a comment and let me know.

i'd rather work at chuck e cheese,

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

confusing twilight scenes

dear catherine hardwicke,

hi! demosthenes and i are huge fans of the twilight series, and like most of the world, we got our copies of the twilight movie and devoured every possible morsel of it over and over. while we were doing that, we noticed some strange little quirks, like the garage scene, here is a little convo we had discussing it:

valentine: what the fetch are they all getting in the garage? i mean jasper and emmett open that cupboard, but dont' really get anything out, alice is fiddling in a trunk and a set of drawers, but doesn't get anything and it looks like carlisle is getting music cds and cash LOL

CD's and cash? like he's a teenager running away from home? LOL. you know what bugs me about the garage scene? they all drive away and leave edward standing there..... why? are they making him run along side the car? LOL. isn't he supposed to go with rosalie and emmett? or is he like "i think i'll just stay here. good luck not getting bella killed".

:maybe emmett was looking in the cupboards for a different track suit. "this is my baseball track suit, i need to find my fighting track suit".

we are also confused by the ballet studio scene when carlisle tells edward "remember who you are" why does he do that? why is it fine for jasper, alice and emmett to kill james but not him? we have a theory on that as well

maybe thats why carlisle tells him to remember who you are as in "remember that you are not allowed to dance around burned ashes of a sadistic vampire" then edward probably stomps upstairs to his room and yells "no fair! i am never allowed near the fires!"

maybe edward got in trouble by playing with matches when he was a newborn, LOL, so he's not allowed near open flame any more

he probably did have a match/fire situation when he was a newborn, "never mind that was 80 years ago! Gosh! you guys are so unfair! i only burned down the house once. you'd think you guys were elephants instead of vampires!"

"bella, you are better off without me, you deserve someone who can bbq for you without risking your life"

anyways, thats how we think it went down LOL we could be wrong, but at least we think our version made more sense and was certainly more funny!

happy to help,

Saturday, April 4, 2009


dear dignity,

i seem to have misplaced you. you were just here, where did you go? i retraced my steps and realized that i noticed you missing right around the time i read this fascinating newsworthy article. you know me, i am not into gossip, unless it is twlight related, but that doesn't count does it? i don't even know what made me click on this completely untalented, pathetic, media whoring couple. i guess i was just bored. *sigh* i promise it won't happen again, will you come home, please? i miss you, without you, i feel like the pathetic, untalented, media loving people that i detest.

waiting for your return,

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


dear vegetarians,

you know that age old problem, the one that has been plaguing human kind since the dawn of time, you know the one i mean, wanting to eat meat, but not wanting to kill animals? well, a solution has been found. crazy peta people can rejoice!

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
World of Nahlej - Shmeat
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorNASA Name Contest

so to sum up: if it looks like ket, and behaves like ket and makes meow- its a ket. you got that? good!

a now very hungry,