Wednesday, August 12, 2009

mona lisa frowns

dear crazy lady,

so are we gonna talk about that whole awkward situation thing at the Louvre? you know, when you very randomly and suddenly decided to throw your cup of tea at the mona lisa.....yeah, it was kinda weird.

what's even weirder is that the article actually specificies that you threw a cup of "english breakfast tea". that seems like an odd detail to include. why does it matter what kind of tea it was? is this gonna spark a whole big thing? are they gonna have to add warning labels to that tea saying "may cause erratic and unpredictable behavior" nice. are people gonna now study the erratic behaviors of drinkers of that kind of tea?

i imagine the convo later with the louvre security guy (whose name i totally made up, but i think philip would like his title) and the real police, that's right, it's valentine theater:

police officer: what has happened here?

master protection officer, philip bedeau: well, i was standing by one of the pillars, noticing that i had a spot on my uniform. wouldn't you know it that the day that something happens, i have a spot on my uniform. all of my coworkers and friends are gonna see this. i am never going to live this down......

* PO interrupts*

PO: what about the painting? jump to the part about what happened with the painting.

MPO: oh yes. yes of course. an angry woman has thrown her cup of english breakfast tea at the mona lisa. which i for one, am shocked about.

*P.O taking notes*

PO: threw tea at mona lisa

MPO: *ahem* it was english breakfast tea

PO: what?

MPO: you said she threw tea, when it was actually english breakfast tea

PO: what difference does it make?

loads! your typical EBT, is a full bodied, robust and rich black tea blend.
it's very different from your typical irish breakfast tea which is full bodied black tea, but a malty brew.
and don't get me started on the different types of green teas......

fine. fine. she threw english breakfast tea.

okay, back to you crazy lady. i am just so very confused as to why you would want to attack the mona lisa? was she looking at you the wrong way? giving you a dirty look? it's just all so very bizarre. i am just curious if you noticed the massively thick bullet proof glass that surrounds the painting? maybe you were too busy with your craziness to notice. so unfortunately your act of defiance just made a mess on the floor and pissed off a janitor.


Anonymous said...

OMG NOT the english breakfast tea!! LOL, however, I do not believe it was the MPO's statement that tipped them off. I think that Horatio came all the way from CSI Miami and did some serious testing on it to figure that one out. Or maybe someone tasted it right off the floor. A coffee tasting expert perhaps?

Kristina P. said...

I didn't even hear about this. She does look rather mean, so I'm thinking the Mona Lisa deserved it.

Anonymous said...

I literally read about this less than 2 minutes ago. I can't believe it's even news. Had she flashed the Mona Lisa and then threw her cup of breakfast tea, only then would I be impressed.

Waxy said...

What? No crumpet???

amourissima said...

It's a damn good thing her lips were closed becasue I hear that English Breakfast can really do a number discoloring your teeth.

foxy said...

Doesn't she know that GREEN TEA should be used in any kind of museum-related tea graffiti?? NEVER EBT!! What was she thinking!? Obviously, someone needs to take away her crazy card.

Anonymous said...

I hadn't heard about this yet. how odd to throw tea and that they mentioned what kind-lol.

sweet limes said...

We will now have to interview all potential friends to see if they drink English Breakfast Tea, and if they do...steer clear. It's obvious crazy people drink that.

Mighty M said...

Haha....Maybe she knew Mona Lisa in a past life and still is dealing with some repressed anger issues!! ;-)

Kristin said...

Now that's something I would have liked to have seen. Nothing interesting ever happens around here. Maybe I'll throw a cup of tea at the tv tomorrow.

supah ~d said...

you are such a freakin riot

i LOVE it.


cracked my shit up!
I also performed valentine theatre in the proper accent i'll have you know

im all serious about proper theatre.

Kimi said...

I also read the theater in the proper accents. Good times. I'm curious what the hell the chick had tea for in the museum. I mean really that seems like an accident just waiting to happen. The Mona Lisa exhibits seems like it would have some sort of "no food or drink" sign.

valentine said...

yea to all of you who performed valentine theater in the proper accents. you win the VT awesome award!!

beth said...

i can't believe you are allowed to wander around the louvre with a cup of tea!!! i think if they are going to let people do that, they deserve to have tea thrown at paintings.
ps - this is why i always drink earl grey.

beth said...

pps - i read the valentine theater with an accent as well, but i just now realized i read it with a british accent instead of french. duh.

valentine said...

beth- you know, i did too. while writing it, it was totally british,even though i knew it was in france. the tea threw me off! LOL

Clare said...

I read that she was mad with the French government because they denied her Visa. That will show them! stupid broad