Friday, August 14, 2009

lollipop guild

dear marilyn,


i realize that this is kinda old news, but what can i say, i found it to be funny and wanted to talk about it. i was talking to my lovely coworker, delilah, the other day and for some reason, you came up. and she had mentioned the rumor that you had a rib removed so you would be able to, um, you know, "lick your own lollipop."


i had never heard this before, but i thought that if this procedure was possible, we would never see men again. they would no doubt be in their basement's. all day, takin care of biznass. they would have no need to socialize, because the only reason most men even come out into society is to meet the ladies. but if they don't need ladies, then why bother.

but then i thought, they wouldn't be hanging out in their basements. no, they would be all spread out on the porch, like a dog. going to town for all the world to see. great, marilyn, you have turned all men into gross dogs. are you happy now?

i was curious if this rumor was true, but it must not be, because you are still dating women. if it was true and the surgery worked, surely you wouldn't need to be these ladies. unless, after going through the trouble to make it possible, you realized that you don't actually care for the taste of your lollipop. you finally realized what all the girls were complaining about. why they kept insisting you buy them some nice jewelry, after seeing how many licks it took to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop.....um, yeah, that was totally gross.


i feel sorry for all the lucky, lucky ladies in your life,

16 comments:

Sarah said...

I think that rumor went around about someone from Tool Alice In Chains too. Where does this stuff come from?!

Kristina P. said...

I believe anything that is on the Internet.

robynxx said...

Lawl! Never heard of that rumor, but your letter was awesome :)

Kathie @ my net finds said...

LOL!!! I remember hearing that rumor, too funny. The sad thing is I bet there are doctors out there who would perform such a surgery....

btw, that Dwight Schrute award is awesome! Dwight is heelarious

Cottage Cheese Thighs said...

Hilarious! I shall be laughing all day thinking about the licks to the center part - and shuddering at the same time!

beth said...

haha! i love that on my blogger dashboard there is a picture of marilyn manson under the words "lollipop guild." i wonder why none of the munchkins looked like him?

foxy said...

he gives me the heebie geebies... so nasty. and why does he always feel the need to color outside the lines with his lipstick? i'm sorry for any woman that does any kind of licking on him.

ICK.

and i second the coolness of the dwight button.

Kristin said...

DUDE, I had totally forgotten about that. And now I have a disturbing mental pic that won't go away. Help....Wait a second...shirtless Hugh Jackman, shirtless Hugh Jackman. Ok, I'm better.

Emily (Good Frau) said...

Be careful... he might kill you.

http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/07/28/marilyn-manson-threatens-journalists-after-explosive-la-weekly-article/

valentine said...

@emily, i hope living in utah will save me. i think marilyn might think his skin will burn if he enters zion.

Mighty M said...

Reminding me of the Richard Gere/hamster rumor. Strange strange stuff.

AB HOME Interiors said...

Lord have mercy. Can you imagine. I cant say if I had the opportunity to um, lick my lollipop that I would jump on that bandwagon. Kinda gross. And really, could it be all that great if you have to do all the work? No way, But marilyn is a creature all his own. So if it were possible, he would be the one to do it! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Lizzie said...

First off, how cool are you miss "Dwight Schrute Approved" my heart skipped a beat :)

i hadn't heard this rumor, BUT f it is true then i would believe Marilyn Manson to be the man who did it, ha ha.

ONe PiNK FiSH said...

So as soon as I saw Marilyn I had to come read. I was one of those girls. Purple hair, black doc martins, funky tights and leggings and always goignt o a heavy metal concert. His was always one of my favs. If you read my blog, I'm sure this is a shock.

I actually read your post to the honey and even he thought it was funny and very true. We would never see our hubs again if their own possiblities were endless.

Taryn said...

LOL! I have heard the exact same thing about this guy...girl...oh, whatever the heck "it" is!
This post is a hoot and a holler!

Also, thank you so much for leaving a sweet comment the other day about my Wizard of Oz purse! You rock!!!

Love,
Taryn

Alicia said...

blech...i just spit up in my mouth... i've heard that too. but i've never had the lollipop image in my head until now....thank you...or should i say no thank you...