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dear kids,

are you tired of your usual, everyday and boring toys? of course you are, they suck. well, aunty demosthenes and i have a surprise for you!




you can bring the real life experience of a rabid pet into your own home, without your parents freaking out. these fantastic animals are great for hours of fun and entertainment!!




ah, the evil verses good unicorn play set, demos and i, like to think that they are just having philosophical differences:

evil unicorn: "for the last time, mermaids aren't real!"
good unicorn : "eff you evil unicorn, eff u!"




and lastly, we understand that it can be hard to always be thinking of excuses for why you didn't do your homework, clean your room or hang out with the creepy kid across the street. so we got you this awesome excuse ball. the package says it has 20 excuses ranging from "my dog ate it" to "mexican food". so you should be covered for almost any request made of you.



and since your parents are always so kind to let us drop in, we decided to gift them with this corn dog air freshener. if they close their eyes they will be able to almost smell the sweet honey batter, the steamy meat product and the sweat of carnival workers. yum!




well, it's time for us to be off. but if you are real good, we will stop by again and bring you some more fetchingly sweet presents.



aunty,