lollipop guild

dear marilyn,


i realize that this is kinda old news, but what can i say, i found it to be funny and wanted to talk about it. i was talking to my lovely coworker, delilah, the other day and for some reason, you came up. and she had mentioned the rumor that you had a rib removed so you would be able to, um, you know, "lick your own lollipop."


i had never heard this before, but i thought that if this procedure was possible, we would never see men again. they would no doubt be in their basement's. all day, takin care of biznass. they would have no need to socialize, because the only reason most men even come out into society is to meet the ladies. but if they don't need ladies, then why bother.

but then i thought, they wouldn't be hanging out in their basements. no, they would be all spread out on the porch, like a dog. going to town for all the world to see. great, marilyn, you have turned all men into gross dogs. are you happy now?

i was curious if this rumor was true, but it must not be, because you are still dating women. if it was true and the surgery worked, surely you wouldn't need to be these ladies. unless, after going through the trouble to make it possible, you realized that you don't actually care for the taste of your lollipop. you finally realized what all the girls were complaining about. why they kept insisting you buy them some nice jewelry, after seeing how many licks it took to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop.....um, yeah, that was totally gross.


i feel sorry for all the lucky, lucky ladies in your life,