Friday, September 25, 2009

coming up with titles is hard

dear virgin trying to become a whore,

what were you thinking, writing this letter to e jean?

"Dear E. Jean: I’m a 21-year-old virgin fishing for a sugar daddy whcomino’ll launch me into a life of caviar and beautiful clothes. I recently heard about the American grad student auctioning off her virginity; right now, she’s considering bids of up to $3.7 million. I want to attempt the same. It would take care of my college loans, and I could live on the interest and be free to develop my career and talents.

The breaking of the hymen is reportedly painful and disappointing anyway. Why should I waste my purity on a “meaningful” college boyfriend or even a saggy sugar daddy when I can receive a pot of gold all in one go? How would I go about notifying these wealthy barons without attracting attention? —The Hungry Virgin"


ya, why waste your first time having sex on someone meaningful or special? what a waste that would be! i can't think of a better use for your virginity than whoring yourself out to the highest paying skeez bag, who likely has herpes.

you do realize that this makes you a prostitute right? you can try to justify it all you want, but you are degrading yourself and bringing down women's rights efforts world wide.

whats with guys wanting to bang virgins so badly anyway? virgins suck in bed. they have no clue what to do. their only skill set involves trying to not be nervous.

so good luck ruining your life and forever regretting this most terrible of decisions.







ps, don't forget to enter the giveaway! we're dying to hear your thoughts on
dumbledore vs gandalf

11 comments:

Sarah said...

what's odd is that 95% of guys wouldn't be able to tell if she IS a virgin or not. Are they requiring a note from an OBGYN to verify that the hymen is in fact in tact? Tampons can bust that bad boy anyway...this gives me an idea...mwah ha ha...

Kathie @ my net finds said...

not to change the subject, but come get your major award!

http://www.mynetfinds.blogspot.com/2009/09/fridays-freewrite.html

Scrappy Girl said...

yuck.

Kristina P. said...

Classy!

valentine said...

i like how she truly views it as an investment or something. that she doesn't realize that even if its only once or "doesn't mean anything" that it is still prostitution! sheesh

MiMi said...

The Hungry Virgin?? Are you kidding me? Her vagine (channeling borat) is hungry? Is that what the ho bag is aiming at?
Yuck. Hymen schmyman. She could've broke it on a bike seat already. Maybe. I don't know. Or a tampon! Yeah, that's it!

beth said...

do hymens even exist anymore?!!? anyway, this girl sounds like a total moron and i am really glad that ms. e jean told her that. she coulod try to like, get a job or something.

Amy said...

How sad for this girl. How sad that she would treat something so special so lightly. It is prostitution in the basest sense. Honestly, it just makes me sad.

thatgirlblogs said...

if you used a tampon, you lost your virginity ... technically...

anyway your blog is getting better and better.

Orange Juice said...

ok wait that's real?

Summer said...

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Wait, how much was that?!?

hmmm....