Thursday, September 17, 2009

how it all vegan

dear valentine,

i hate meeting new people. not only is it a pain to have to pretend to be interested in learning all about their loud, obnoxious kids (why can't parents understand that they're the only ones who like their kids?). but it inevitably leads to dinner plans, which leads to an awkward conversation about my animal friendly, vegan diet. the conversation usually goes something like this:

annoying person: how about you come over for dinner on saturday?

me (in my higher pitched, i'm pretending that i like you voice): oh that would be great! but just to let you know, we're vegan. so if you'd rather go out to eat or something thats fine.

annoying person now looks like they'd rather eat the monkey brains in indiana jones then prepare/eat a vegan meal, but with a fake smile, and even higher pitched voice says: oh…….. sooooooo.……. what DO you eat?

as if not eating animal products suddenly eliminates all known human food sources. just once i'd like to answer "mostly babies, but also the occasional space rat or tribble that wanders too close". but i don't think it would go over too well. (if you know what tribbles are without clicking the link, congratulations you are even less cool than this guy)

eventually they get the balls to ask the inevitable follow up question: does it taste any good?

no, actually its gross. see, thats the cool thing about being vegan, suddenly your taste buds transform and you love disgusting food, and start to hate anything delicious.

why do so many people equate vegan with "tastes like sh*t"? sure, some vegan foods are gross. but so are lots and lots of meaty/cheesy/egg-y foods! i think the most disgusting thing i ever ate was a meaty, greasy sausage-y thing that i can't even pronounce. but i still have the mental capacity to recognize that not every meaty meal is like that.

(^^^ ya, vegan food is really gross. you def don't want to eat any of this sh*t ^^^)

one old lady i met suddenly realized for the first time in her life, that she didn't have to put ham in her green beans. it was like watching a toddler say their first word. i almost cried.

and then there are the people who are constantly trying to catch you making a mistake. why they care so much, i have no idea. but scientists suggest it has something to do with having a small penis. or something. i srsly had an acquaintance say to hubby: oh ya? well your shirt is made of cotton!!!!

(i'll let that sink in a moment……)

you're face probably looks a lot like ours did when we heard that.

livin' it up vegan style,


Amy said...

This is something I have thought about a lot. I have vegetarian tendencies (I eat meat maybe twice or thrice a year) and people are always so shocked. And then they judge. The thing I can't get over is when people feed their kids potato chips, soda, lots of junk food and then get on my back for feeding my kids lots of veggies and whole grains and fruits. I don't get it. How can they judge me for giving my kids a better diet than they are giving to their own offspring?

Obviously this is something I am slightly passionate about. Sorry for the soap-box! :)

If you ever came over for dinner, I would LOVE to make you a vegan dinner. Just so you know.

And my kid is not annoying, he really is the cutest thing in the world :)

{lorelailette<3} said...

I absolutely love that picture!
Man it made me laugh till i fell of my chair!


Lady Sunflower

Kristina P. said...

Wow. I would rather eat tofu than be vegan. :)

MiMi said...

I'm still mulling over the cotton comment. Wha...?

Mighty M said...

My sister doesn't eat meat. She is visiting right now so I have to plan meals a little more creatively.

beth said...

you could come to my house for breakfast because i have KILLER vegan coconut banana french toast recioe that is sososo delicious! but, you will have to deal with my kids. even i think they are annoying sometimes. sorry. oh and i freakin' love that you linked back to the boner kid. so funny!

Anonymous said...

I could never be vegan, but only because I'm such a picky eater. I love me some meat, cheese and bread.

Anonymous said...

i am so there beth! vegan coconut banana french toast sounds amazing

foxy said...

I think you should use that baby response some time soon and then tell us how it goes over... ;)

It's All Good said...

cotton shirts, I KNEW IT, YOUR FAKE! =) although I highly respect your choice of being vegan, I shall stick to my theory that if we don't eat the cows, they will take over the world...

but I wish there were some cool vegan spots where I live, it would be nice to try something delicious and vegan!

Orange Juice said...

So vegans eat more then lettuce?

j/k ;)

Lizzie said...

um, so yeah i LOVE tribbles. now i'm scared i've pasted over being a dork and moved down to a whole new level!!!!

i was a veggie for years some of the best food i ever ate was (and is) vegetarian. i never did the leap to vegan though. then i had babies and food habits went out the window and convenience won. i have every intention of taking the slaughtered fuzzy creators out of my diet SOON!!!