Wednesday, September 30, 2009

chuck norris

today is the last day to enter the giveaway! don't forget!

dear readers,

i think we could all use a mid week pick-me-up, enjoy ;)

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the Element of Surprise.
  • Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
  • If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f*cking beef.
  • The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
  • Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  • When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
  • Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
  • Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
got some more good ones? shout them out in the comments


Alicia said...

love it!! you know how i feel about chuck norris....he kick arse...and my favorite fun fact is....

chuck norris can speak braille.... booya!

Anonymous said...

oh man, that made me laugh out loud literally! I used to work with a guy who LOVED Chuck Norris and he would instant message stuff like that to me all the time.

Kimi said...

Good old Chuck! Laughed out loud, very loudly in fact. There may have been snorting involved.

SupahMommy said...

That is a riot

an effing riot.

i feel obligated to come up with one

will be back

Kristina P. said...

If Jack Bauer were gay, he'd be Chuck Norris.

Go Jack!!

Anonymous said...

My favorite... Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the Element of Surprise.

MiMi said...

This list is frackin' hilarious!
Love the new header, btw! :)

Waxy said...

Great list - love that the dark is scared of him!!! Ha!

Jay Ferris said...

Go to Google, type in "Where is Chuck Norris?" and then hit I'm Feeling Lucky".

You're welcome.

beth said...

first...thank you jay ferris. totally cracked up for a second time during the reading of this blog post.
second...chuck norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
third...(and this is totally true and cracking me up right now) my 4yo son just said to me "isn't baby jesus everywhere?" (apparently one of the catholic school students in this house have been spreading the word) my response was "yes. he's just like chuck norris." son's response "who is chicken norris?" we are soooo getting our asses kicked by chuck norris for that conversation!!!