do you know how much 20 lbs really is?

valentine is taking a few personal days (rumor has it that she's on a secret get away with the jo bros, robbing them of their childlike innocence, as well as literally just robbing them) and left me in charge of the blog. a decision she will likely regret once the jo bros induced haze wears off.

reminder!! the giveaway ends this wednesday, so everyone who hasn't entered yet and doesn't hate kitteh's better hurry up and pick a dumbledore vs gandalf winner soon! there are a few glaring absences from the comments section (you know who you are)

and onto our regularly scheduled programming:

dear 19 lb-baby mama,

WTF?!?! the thought of a normal, completely uncomplicated, 7 lb baby, pregnancy makes my va-jay-jay hurt. i cringe in fear and pain whenever i have to endure child birth visuals or descriptions. and then i woke up friday and read your story. i was incapacitated with imaginary bajingo pain for hours.

surrender to me humans, or suffer the consequences!

do you have any idea what else weighs 20 lbs? ya, a f*cking kareoke machine!!! that was what was inside your belly.

if only you could get a baby to play music instead of cry......



car tires also weigh 20 lbs.... are your insides exploding yet?

but you know what else makes me hurt about your story? the fact that you are 41 years old! you will be almost 60 years old before this baby is a legal adult. but lets get real, an 18 year old is still practically a kid, and will likely be relying heavily on you at least until your 65. i think my uterus just fell out.

but i guess i should also say congratulations and enjoy your new bundle of 20 lb joy, and all that sh*t too.

winnie "the motherf*cker" pooh will eat your soul for dinner