Wednesday, September 23, 2009

giveaway!!! demosthenes style

dear LFV readers,

valentine said i got to do the next give away (what was she thinking?) so here it is. thats right, we made it to 100 posts, b*tch! i've got some fab demos style items that some lucky lady (or dude?) gets to take home for their very own.

the devil/ninja duck: (what? like he has to be just one or the other?)

don't you want to help a duck like me?

the boss toss: (you will be the envy of all your co-workers)

hate your boss? now you can vent your impotent rage at these mini plastic figures

does this one really need a title?

bacon is life. and a band aid too.

the most amazing buttons ever:

you know you are.

i know you're dying to give that ninja duck a home, so heres how you play:

dumbledore and gandalf are fighting to the death in an ultimate wizards duel (insider sources tell us that the fight started over who gets to take grindlewald on a date to the new moon premier in nov. the victorious wizard will be in prime obsessive-stalker seats, right next to rpattz). post in the comments who would win and why you think so. (no one-word responses please!) the most demosthenes-alicious answer will be the winner.

i'll start:

gandalf would kick dumbledore's flat, pancake a** all over the quidditch pitch! gandalf fought with a balrog, man, a BALROG!! you think an unholy demon of the underworld is an easy b*tch to slap? and then he f*cking came back from the dead!! i'd like to see dumbledore pull that out of his sorting hat. besides, gandalf wields glamdring, and they don't give out ancient, elven-made blades to just any body who wants one.

the fellowship would have been demolished in the mines of moria if dumbledore had been in charge

valentine next:

dumbledore really wants those seats next to rpattz, and he'd obliterate gandalf to get them. first, he'd distract him with gandalfs well known weakness: bertie bott's every flavor beans. then, while gandalf is foolishly eating an ear wax flavored one, dumbledore would get out his wand and start throwing a confundus charm, and then an erecto charm *ahem, who can fight when "that" is at attention* and then finish him off with the cruciatus curse. gandalf would be as defenseless as a hobbit before such devious tactics.

don't leave me hangin guys! or not only will valentine never let me do another give away, but a kitten dies every time someone visits but doesn't leave an answer :(

save the kittens, enter the giveaway


MiMi said...

Gandalf would win because Dumbledore would be getting an eyefull of Mrs. McGonagall's cleavage while she was jumping up and down doing her Hogwarts Cheer. Dumbledore would be distracted and Gandalf would take him out. He'd wake up the next morning to see that not only was he NOT killed in the death match, but Gandalf is riding Mrs. McGonagall like Potter rides his Nimbus Racing broom. :)

Alicia said...

OHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMYYYYYY GGOOOOSHHHHHHHHHH! MIMI!! go wash your mouth out with soap!! i'm too shocked to think of a comment right back in a few!

Kimi said...

Seriously I have nothing witty to say but I'm super concerned for the life of the kittens. Even though I'm more of a dog person. So....

Gandolf would kick the trash out of Dumbledore based only on the fact that he can come back from the dead...for reals. Lets see Dumbledore do that. Yeah that's right. He. Can't. Plus...Viggo gives me Girl Wood so I've got to go with the LofTR team

foxy said...

Well, crap, I couldn't go and let a kitty die, now could I?? I don't have any idea who would win. I'm the loser that doesn't know anything about that stuff...

sweet limes said...

So far I am with Valentine on how Dumbledore would take victory, where we differ is that after the erecto charm and having Gandalf's wand at full attention Dumbledore starts hitting on the great white wizard and asking if he can take his broom for a spin around the Quidditch pitch. It's a well known fact that he's gay, and that is his greatest weapon in an epic battle. Sorry Demosthenes, no elven blade is a match for a horny wizard.

SupahMommy said...

you are so friggin funny
save the kitties.

i'll be back.. don't kill one off. i have to do some research cuz i am alll over those bacon and egg bandaids..

Anonymous said...

Harry Potter, The Chosen One, worked diligently with Hermione and Ron to create a Resurrectus Potion. The potion which consists of three eyeballs from virgin Muggles, a photograph of Nearly Headless Nick mooning Hogwarts first years, wax from a thousand year old candle, and three grey hairs from Minerva McGonagall’s head were poured into the left nostril of Dumbledore three minutes before sunrise. Dumbledore awoke from his death slumber to find a life-size cardboard cutout of RPattz before him. Dumbledore immediately called for Snape. He placed a yet to be named curse on Snape. In mere seconds, Snape’s body transformed into that of Dumbledore. Hagrid passes and calls out, “Look Erry, it’s de Doublemint Twins.”

Snape took off with specific instructions on how to kill Gandolf as Dumbledore rushed to the spa to primp for his evening with RPattz.

Moments later… Snape, disguised as Dumbledore, stood alone in the woods with Gandolf. Gandolf asked Dumbledore if he could take a spin on his broom before their battle begins. Dumbledore, happy to oblige, gave Gandolf specific instructions on how to maneuver the broom through the trees. He pointed out the tallest tree in the woods to Gandolf. “Land there, my friend. You’ll be able to see for miles.” Gandolf flew up with ease, dodged branches and landed in the tallest tree.

Waiting there is spider monkey, Bella Swan. Taken aback by her plain looks, Gandolf has a heart attack and falls to his death.
Dumbledore rushes to the New Moon premiere. He walks the red carpet in a purple and gold robe. He sits next to RPattz sweating the while time. They talk for an hour after the film. They hug goodbye.

Unfortunately, the Reserrectus Potion only lasts 24 hours. Harry with the help of Hagrid put Dumbledore back in the ground alongside his RPattz cutout. Dumbeldore is buried with a smile on his face. The only person not smiling is Snape. Dumbledore didn’t have time to change him back. Whoopsie!

The Blonde Duck said...

I NEED those pins!!!

Waxy said...

I know nothing of gandol and dumbdoor but do not want mr kitty to get hurt!

Anonymous said...

I typed mine out at work. I didn't proofread very well, but it'll do.

It's All Good said...

I wish I was dorky enough to come up with something...

Jay Ferris said...

Well let's see; J.K. Rowling claims she always thought of Dumbledore as gay, and Gandalf was played by Sir Ian McKellen, also gay. I could take the low road and say that they would be too busy getting with each other to plunge any thing other than their meat swords, but that's a loose association at best. Since the character of Gandalf appears to have no homosexual inclinations whatsoever, we're forced to remove sexuality from the equation.

So, in looking at this objectively and based off of abilities and arsenal, let's examine it a bit closer, shall we?

Gandalf - An immortal Maia spirit, has a sword that will tear through troll hide "with a mere flick of the wrist," magic and incantations to fight off balrogs, plus he rides pretty much the most bad-ass horse EVER."

Dumbledore - Doesn't even know when there are trolls in his basement or minions of the Dark Lord posing as an instructor at HIS school, thinks it's a good idea to protect valuables with a giant dog that falls asleep any time soft music is played, lives right next to an evil forest, and is mortal.

Now don't get me wrong -- I love both of them and the stories they came from, but Gandalf would tear him apart, and do so before Dumbledore even had a chance to pull out his silly little wand.

MiMi said...

Just came back to see what people's stories were...hahaha! I grossed Alicia out. That right there is a prize enough. :)

Orange Juice said...

dang I totally thought this was going to be a vegan giveaway.

Anonymous said...

Ok, here goes. After many hours slaving away at geeky internet research, I have come to the conclusion that Gandalf would be the victor. Why? Because wikipedia told me that J.K. Rowling chose Dumbledore's name (an Early Modern English word for bumblebee) because she imagined him walking around humming to himself....and Gandalf means Magic-Elf/Being. Magic beats the crap out a humming bumblebee any day, it's simple logic. 'nuff said.

Sarah said...

I don't know who either of those gusy are so I can't comment on who would win. I will say that I TOTALLY had those bacon well as Sushi Roll ones. Doesn't that count for an entry? *wink*

SupahMommy said...

I had to defer on this one;
Nenny came through. We're vying for those fucking .. wait .. fabbing fuckulous buttons and bacon bandaids.. we've had a whole bunch-0 bloody incidents lately wherein eggs and bacon would have come in handy. thx a lot.

The real winner: Gandalf...
The duel has gone on for 2 weeks... both men are looking weary and defeated, but yet no know one is giving up knowing the sure prize of sitting next to their dear beloved Edward Cullen. Enter Grindlewald. " guys are still at it?" The premier is coming up sooner than you think. I only have one extra ticket! I thought when I told you to fight it out, you knew I was joking. How the hell am I supposed to explain this to Robert?" Both wizards flinch at the name..."I'll stop if you stop," mumbles Dumbledore, shamed by his behavior. Gandolf begins to repeat the same words to Dumbledore, but pauses. Gandalf looks at Grindlewald and tells him..."I could go on like this forever, but who are you kidding, you know I have a big staff and he has a little wand." Upon hearing those words, Grindlewald immediately turns to Dumbledore and holds up a poster of Edward Cullen. The bright white flesh of his skin, and the "I see right through to your soul eyes" distract Dumbledore and Gandolf takes his ass down.

These were my notes to undestand the story : I thought they were funny.

Dumbledore = harry potter's mentor/old good wizard (gay)
Grindlewald = long ago friends' with dumbledore until duel happened between them, he was imprisoned, then lord voldemort killed him in prison cuz he wanted this wand.
Gandalf = good wizard from lord of the rings, had a big staff. lol

go nenny

mama wants some new buttons

SupahMommy said...


Let me know if it didnt' go through. I submitted last night.

SupahMommy said...

i was frettin
and writin one SERIOUS MO FO letter to valentine demo.

i crumpled it up