Monday, June 15, 2009

evils of the nation

dear gainesville, fl columnist,


i have not had a true "what the fetch" moment for awhile, it was actually getting kinda sad, because i love me some WTF. but, thanks goodness i read your incredibly insightful article into why "sexy vampires are destroying our nation's children"



"Despite the recent influx of vampire-related content into the mainstream media and the youthful enthusiasm that accompanied it, vampirism still remains a dangerous threat to our nation’s children. Unchecked interest in vampires can lead to unfortunate summer wardrobe choices, rickets and diabetes. We can’t afford to lose our kids to these flashy, sexy, fly-by-night vampire impersonators who continue to fill their heads with untruths about the vampire lifestyle."



okay....i am sure we are all thinking "what the fetch" at this point, but i am still gonna break it down. are you for reals? i am not entirely sure where to begin....

are you honestly worried about the youth of this nation getting rickets because they choose to wear black in the summer? are you concerned that all the sugary blood they will undoubtedly be devouring because of a book series, will cause kids to develop diabetes?

i love the part about "sexy vampires" are destroying everything. soooooo we should only be upset about the sexy ones? all the plain or fugly vampires can keep doing their blood sucking thang and that's fine? sounds like you're a little threatened by edward cullen and bill compton, if you know what i'm sayin'.

and you are concerned about losing our kids to flashy, sexy vampires impersonators....so are you really worried about kids becoming vampires or are you more concerned that they are fascinated with, according to you "untruths of vampire lifestyle." so you are fine with vampirism, just not sparkling vampirism? i'm confused.


let's read what else you had to say:



"While this kind of fervor has been seen with J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books, an interest in witchcraft and wizardry is ultimately harmless......The worst that happens is kids memorize cryptic incantations and start trying to summon dark spirits from the depths of the underworld."



k, once again i'm gonna have to stop you there.......so undead vampires drinking blood- bad. but children who want to summon dark spirits with witchcraft and incantations- good? must admit, i am once again a little confused. i didn't realize that summoning devils was just juvenile fun that wasn't harmful in anyway.....

now that i know, i will take away all their twilight and trueblood books and replace them with satanism and witchcraftism: circles, spells and rituals. you're right, that does sound safer and better.



i'll stick with the flashy, sexy vamps,

13 comments:

Kathie @ my net finds said...

what the fetch is right! haha

Lizzie said...

that is hilarious! thanks for stopping by the other day so i could come read this!!!

yeah, i feeling some Edward hatred from that article too.

love you blog by the way :)

Ronnica said...

Hmmm. Makes you wonder if it's all tongue in cheek...but if that's the case, it's poorly done if you can't recognize it!

Hit 40 said...

WT fetch is more like it. This old woman needs a vacation. Maybe, a little prozac???

Mrs.Zeus said...

I absolutely agree with you!!!
When I read the 1st two series of this book a couple years ago when it wasnt that crazy popular with the kids yet I thought it shouldn't been under teenager book at all since there's so much unreal facts and even underlying sexy images given out.

Love the way you write!!! You're AWESOME!

If you're feeling a little playful come play with us for Monday Matters at http://mrszeus.blogspot.com hope to hear from you!

http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com said...

Hi!!!!
Thanks for visiting me Doll!!
Brittany
http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com

demosthenes said...

whats really funny is she's absolutely right that rickets and diabetes are on the rise in america. but she clearly didn't read the rest of those stories. rickets is on the rise due to moms slathering their kids with sunblock every time they go outside for fear of cancer. diabetes is on the rise in teens because of fast food diets and lack of exercise. its like she read those headlines and automatically drew the conclusion that it must have to do with a popular book she doesn't like.

demosthenes said...

wow, that last comment didn't sound like me at all?! LOL i think i need to add "the author of that article likes to kill kittens in her spare time". there, thats more like me :)

beth said...

oh. my. god. i am so flabbergasted by the ridiculousness of this article i don't know where to start. oh wait...yes i do...what the hell are rickets and how do you get them from thinking vampires are cool?

Chrissy said...

Utter nonsense I say. ;)

Love&Marriage said...

thanks for stopping by!

Kristin said...

Crazy shizit comes outta Gainesville. Like rabid Florida Gator alums like myself. Ah ha ha ha

hotpants™ said...

You lost me at Gainesville. I am NOT a Gator fan.

Is it bad that I'm obsessed with witches, wizards and vampires? I personally prefer vampires whose names start with E. (Edward & Eric)